[The fact that it had happened at all was a shock to Dice. He hardly even had time to consider why it was happening, why everyone wanted his head, why they'd tried so hard to cleave it from his body... He was the trusting sort, kind and generous and, he thought, good. But whatever was his undoing was swift, and the reckoning it brought was painful. The queen herself led the revolt, emboldened by Dice's own mother... And the shock of betrayal might be half of why Dice's mind refuses to wake.
He's dreamed off and on since he collapsed in front of Gentaro's camp. He's dreamed of his friend, a king in his own right, who no one ever approved of him consulting or being kind to. He's dreamed of his wife, who he thought might have plenty of cause to hate him, considering things. He's even dreamed of his mother, whose whispers got him into this mess to begin with. But in those dreams, it's always Dice who's the problem. It's always Dice's fault things ended up this way, and he confesses and admits it to their faces, begs forgiveness, dies dozens upon dozens of ways. Perhaps that's why his mind refuses to let him see the truth: that he survived, and he's safe.
Maybe he thinks he ought to be dead.
But something wouldn't let him die without seeing his only friend again. He ducked, ran, hid, did everything he could to survive until he collapsed at Gentaro's doorstep. In fact, though it's been a week, Dice makes Gentaro wait on him for just a few more days before he opens his eyes. He can't see, which is terrifying, but after a few unsteady, terrified breaths he realizes it's because his eyes are covered with something soft and cool. He isn't sure where he is at first, but after those first ragged breaths, he smells a familiar scent of wood and something like plum blossoms. He smells Gentaro.]
[ He swears Dice wakes sometimes, but he doesn't draw attention to it. His whole life has been turned upside down. He's gotten intel from his network, and what he knows... it would mess with anyone. Sometimes, he's tempted to pay a visit to the traitors and say hello with a knife to the ribs, but he holds back. That would cause more trouble than he wants. Besides, what's important here is Dice.
He's seated nearby, sharpening a knife. He sets it aside, though, when he notices that Dice's breathing has changed. For a few moments, he simply watches him. How cruel those responsible are, to betray someone so kind so terribly. Dice is naive, and spoiled, and has only known comfort.
It doesn't bother Gentaro as much as it used to.
He maintains the silence for a few moments. Then-- ]
[His breath catches in his throat at the sound of Gentaro's voice. He actually made it to him, that's right... He made it, and he's safe. Maybe. He doesn't know. Perhaps he can't trust Gentaro, either. Perhaps Gentaro is just going to turn him back over for whatever handsome reward they've placed on their deposed king's head. Dice imagines that'd be for the best, if they all want him dead so badly.
But still, he had one goal and one goal only in mind when he came here. So, as soon as he summons up the courage, he reaches up to touch whatever is covering his eyes. He has to see Gentaro again. He can die after that, but he has to see Gentaro again.]
[ Gentaro watches him for a couple moments more, before he rises and moves to the small pot that hangs over the fire. ]
It's good to see you're conscious again.
[ He is, perhaps, a bit guarded, but there's genuine relief in his voice, even if it's subtle. He pours water into a cup, then stirs it and takes it to his friend. It's tea--mint tea with honey and a bit of lemon. Gentaro holds it out for him. He tries desperately not to think of how terribly he aches to touch Dice and hold him, to card his fingers through his hair.
He locks those feelings up tight. He has no right to any of that, especially not when Dice's pain must still be fresh and sharp. ]
[Dice pulls the cool, damp cloth from over his eyes, and blinks furiously until colors and light finally make shapes and figures.
And there's Gentaro. Gentaro, right in front of him, with tea--he can smell that, too--held in those strong, beautiful hands. Stronger and more beautiful than Dice ever thought of being.
It was only a few days before the coup that he figured out his feelings for Gentaro might go beyond mere friendship. The nights they'd spent watching the stars suddenly felt different, precious, more precious than anything Dice had ever known. But he swallows that longing down with the first gulp of tea, after he takes the cup with murmured thanks.
Something about its warmth, and this flavor that reminds him of their first meeting, makes Dice's head droop. He doesn't want Gentaro to see him wrestling with all of this. The man is his friend, and now his savior... so now Dice is certain he owes him something. But as of a week and a half ago, Dice has nothing. He is nothing, save a wanted man.
Trembling fingers hold the tea tighter, like it'll steady him.]
A week, if you don't count the times I woke you to eat or drink something.
[ A week of Gentaro on edge, watching for anyone who might be looking for Dice or himself. He's acutely aware of how much they must dislike him for spending so much time with Dice. A thief has no place in Dice's world. Then again, they had tossed him out of that world, left him for dead.
Gentaro doesn't intend to do the same. If Dice so wishes, he'll make a place for him in his world instead. It's dangerous, but Gentaro is more than capable. What's one more person to keep an eye on?
He takes a seat on the ground, because he doesn't dare presume to sit next to him. ]
You don't have to talk about it, but I've heard what happened. [ His jaw tightens for a moment, but it relaxes. He needs Dice to know this-- ] I don't intend to turn you away or turn you in now that you've somewhat recovered. You may stay as long as you would like.
[He sighs, then breathes in the steam from the tea for a few moments. Honestly, right now he's not sure how he'll go on living, how he'll move forward from this moment in time. Leaving here would just make him a target. But... he realizes with a pang that staying here might make Gentaro a target, too.]
[ He isn't surprised. It all happened so fast. Gentaro doesn't blame him one bit. What he is surprised by is how fiercely he wants to protect Dice. Gentaro hasn't felt like this for anyone who wasn't his brother, and it makes him feel a little off-balance. ]
I'm not surprised. It must all be a blur. [ He pauses. ] No, they haven't. I've ensured that if they get close, they're swiftly taken care of.
Yeah, you, um... [He swallows, throat still sore.] You might have to give me the details later. Just so I know what you heard.
[Just so he knows if what really happened got out. And so he knows if it was all a lie. Not a very good way to check things, but... Well, he's convinced already that he never had a very good way of doing things.
He sips the tea in silence for a few moments, that stretch into almost a full minute. When he realizes he's just staring into space he blinks again, then turns a sheepish, half-sincere smile on Gentaro.]
Sorry. I ought to thank you for saving my life, right? I appreciate that you went to all this needless trouble for me. I hardly even hurt anymore.
[ ... Ah, the things that smile does to his heart. He'd much rather see a different smile, of course. He can't blame Dice for that, though, either. There's something close to quiet concern in the way he looks at him. ]
It's no trouble. I did it not because I felt obligated, but because I wanted to. [ He glances away briefly, because he's skirting too close to something earth-shattering. ] There's no need to thank me, in other words. Your being alive is thanks enough.
It feels worse because Gentaro is so far away, when all Dice wants is to scream and be held close. But his mind flashes back to when things began to go south. This is just him being naive and soft-hearted, isn't it? A coward. He never thought he was a coward, but he feels like he faced his death like one. Wouldn't a better man simply have accepted it? He has to be stronger.]
I hesitate to ask another favor of you, but would you mind coming a little closer? Just... this feels like you're avoiding me. Aren't we friends?
[ Gentaro looks surprised. He'd taken a seat away from him, because he hadn't wanted to impose. He hadn't wanted to make things worse for him, but when Dice asks him in such a way, how can he deny him? ]
We are. [ He rises and takes a seat next to him. Dice's warmth radiates, and Gentaro fights the urge to pull him close or lean on him and hold him. ] I didn't want to presume anything, or make things uncomfortable for you. I'm certainly not avoiding you.
[ A pause. He hesitates. ]
I know that after a traumatic event, some people may not want another close.
[Dice is silent for a while, looking down into the tea. How does he admit to his feelings at a time like this? Or... should he even do so?
No. He shouldn't. But after all the nights he spent thinking of Gentaro's fingers in his hair, or Gentaro's hand in his... Ah. Well, maybe he deserved his wife's wrath after all. Political marriages weren't supposed to be fun. Yet he'd all but fled it when he met Gentaro.]
Truthfully, the only thing I want right now is to be by your side.
[It isn't the whole truth.]
I had to see you again before I died. I couldn't leave you... [A panicked moment.] ...I couldn't leave you not knowing what happened to me, I mean.
First, it makes his heart and pulse race. Dice is an easy read, but Gentaro doesn't want to go spilling his feelings when he's wrestling with what's happened. Second, it makes him feel guilty, because Dice deserves better.
Gentaro is quiet for a few moments before he rests his hand over Dice's. In the end, he's a selfish creature, and he craves his touch so desperately. ]
Then, by my side you'll stay, as long as you wish.
[ He pauses. There's a bittersweetness in the way he'd wanted to see him, even after all of that. ]
... It's good you came to me. I wouldn't have turned you away for anything.
[Wanting to see Gentaro one last time was all that kept Dice fighting, and running. That alone should speak to his feelings. But maybe that isn't enough. Maybe that's selfish, too. Maybe he really is just spoiled and stupid.
The moment Gentaro touches him, though, the tea in Dice's hands nearly falls. He manages to keep it upright at the last second, before turning his hand to hold Gentaro's.]
And when I disappoint you, will you kill me, please?
[ Dice is looking at him, holding his hand, and Gentaro--
He stiffens, blood running cold. Gentaro can't even pretend to be calm, because he's so shocked at the request. His hand instinctively tights around Dice's. Kill him-- ]
No.
[ His voice is firm, and he locks eyes with Dice. Gentaro knows he's never looked at Dice like this. Try as he might to deny it, he's upset. ]
I refuse to humor such a foolish request. Even if you begged me, I would never raise a blade to you.
[He wants to ask why. But instead he looks into those eyes, those fierce, beautiful eyes, and he makes a choice.
Leaning in rather suddenly, he presses his lips to Gentaro's. It's nearly a miss, it's foolish and not thought through at all, but Dice stays there, lingering for a moment if Gentaro will let him.
When he pulls back, he looks back to the tea, tears pricking at the corners of his eyes.]
Sorry. I know I'm stupid. You're just the only person I can't imagine ever disappointing. If you hated me, I wouldn't know what to do.
Gentaro doesn't push him away, and he's just returning the kiss when he pulls back. He's about to say something, but the tears in his eyes alarm him. Dice has always felt so much, has always put his heart and soul into everything he does. Of course he would feel absolutely miserable. Everything had been ripped away from him.
He decides he hates seeing Dice so defeated. Gentaro takes a breath, then brings his hand up to Dice's cheek. Gently, he turns his face to look at him. So often, he overthinks things.
But not today. He leans in and kisses him. This time, it's a proper kiss, soft and chaste. He tastes the mint and honey on Dice's lips, and when Gentaro finally pulls away, he looks at him seriously. ]
You have no need to apologize for anything. As for disappointing me... we've known each other for some time, have we not? If you were to disappoint me, you would have already. [ A pause, and Gentaro decides to go for it, because being with Dice makes him feel just a little more reckless. Dice needs to know that someone loves him. ] How could I hate you when I love you so deeply?
[If Gentaro is surprised by Dice's kiss, Dice is ten times more surprised by Gentaro's. He isn't used to this deep, intense feeling of belonging, of being loved. He's not sure how Gentaro could possibly love him. Of course, right now he's not sure how anyone could love him. His eyes close at the kiss, and the tears fall freely, his shoulders shaking even though he knows before Gentaro actually says it what his feelings are.
They met shortly after Dice's arranged marriage, when he'd just come of age and been placed on the throne. His mother had been regent for so long that he thought he wasn't actually going to be crowned, and he was fine with that. He was a gentle person with a love of adventure and finding new things to see. Gentaro had been welcome excitement after his disaster of a honeymoon.
Yet he'd tried to rule fairly and make good decisions, despite the queen's negativity and her always stopping just short of stabbing him in the back. He hardly let her coerce him, always tried to forge his own path, but as soon as an heir was produced, she stopped listening to Dice entirely.
And then she tried to kill him in his own bedroom.
And he ran.
He ran past the guards who were stationed to finish the job, through the angry mob he never suspected, from an assassin she hired when she realized he was still alive... Because as long as he was alive, she couldn't be in charge.
She never loved him, not for an instant. And, he realizes now, neither did his mother, who he's sure was complicit.
But Gentaro... he loves him. And he'll stay by his side.]
[ Gently, he takes the cup and sets it to the side, near the edge of the cot. Then, without hesitation, he wraps his arms around Dice. He holds him and buries a hand in his hair, pressing a kiss to the side of his head. He hadn't wanted Dice to learn how cruel the world could be, especially not like this.
He loves him so much it aches. It feels so surreal, his confession. Dice deserves much better, but maybe he can stop thinking that and simply let Dice love him, too.
He can't say no to that, when Dice asks him to let him stay. Gentaro's world is much harsher than his, but that's what he's here for. To protect him, to tend to his wounds. To show him the beauty of the world, too, all of that which has been kept away from him.
It's dangerous, but Dice knows this. And he wants to stay with Gentaro. ]
I promise. [ He touches his forehead to Dice's. ] Nothing will make me turn you away.
[Dice loses himself in sadness for a while, Gentaro's arms around him, a gentle hand in his hair. This is what he's always wanted from the world, he knows, but was always called a coward for wanting. He never wanted to be a prince, or a king. He wanted to be far away from formality and stiffness, away from cold glares and colder words. He wanted to be loved this whole time, and now that he knows he has it, he's completely falling apart.
He nods at first, because it's all he can do without sounding like an idiot from crying so hard. But when the tears let up and he stops desperately clinging to Gentaro's tunic, he pulls back and manages a watery smile.]
I love you. [Sniff.] I figured it out a few days before... before all of this. I had to see you again. I couldn't die without telling you. I... was trying to figure out how to tell the queen, but I suppose I don't need to now.
[ Gentaro really wouldn't mind if he kept clinging. It's strange and new, having someone who loves him back. Far from bad, but... it's so different. Now that he's found this, he will never let it go. He will never let anyone take this away from him.
His heart's racing, pounding in his chest, and he's struck by the urge to kiss him once more, so he does. It's still soft, gentle. He realizes he wants more, but he refrains, because Dice is an absolute mess, and he doesn't want to push him into anything. ]
Dice... [ He draws in a breath, then teases with a soft, affectionate smile-- ] Well... now you will see me every day. I hope you won't tire of me.
[Dice chases the kiss this time, melting into it, not wanting it to end even if it is gentle and kinder than anything he's ever known. He wants to get lost in Gentaro, to never feel as desperate and lost ever again, because this man is his protector.
Of course, every time he imagined something foolish like running away to join Gentaro, he knew he'd have to learn to be quicker on his feet, to fight and to hold his ground. But with someone like Gentaro at his back, he told himself, he could absolutely do anything.
That smile makes Dice smile in turn, and the soft, careful way he says his name, like it's something precious. Like he is something precious.]
I won't. I could never tire of you. [And Dice isn't the type to swear something so permanent so easily.] I'll do whatever I need to do to earn my keep and stay with you.
[ His heart feels so light. Even if things will be much more difficult for Dice moving forward, he's more than happy to guide him through it all. Gentaro isn't a fool. He knows Dice will end up hurt at some point, but he will do everything he can to minimize it.
He lets out a quiet laugh and slides a hand to cup the back of his neck. ]
Earn your keep? As kind as the offer is, I will have none of it. I want you for you, Dice, exactly as you are. You have nothing to owe me and nothing to prove to me.
You... saved my life, though. How could I not owe you anything?
[He wants to look away, because he's at least present enough to be slightly embarrassed right now. But he doesn't. He looks right at Gentaro. This is the man he's spending the rest of his life with, and he hopes to all that's holy that it is a long life.]
I mean, not that I have much to offer. But I will learn. I'll be a valuable member of your...
[Wait, hold on, what's the nice name to call a band of thieves, anyway?]
Your retinue.
[Nailed it. The floundering makes Dice laugh slightly, at least, which bleeds off a little more of the tension he's been holding on to.]
I will, Gentaro. I won't be weak ever again. I have you, after all.
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
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He's dreamed off and on since he collapsed in front of Gentaro's camp. He's dreamed of his friend, a king in his own right, who no one ever approved of him consulting or being kind to. He's dreamed of his wife, who he thought might have plenty of cause to hate him, considering things. He's even dreamed of his mother, whose whispers got him into this mess to begin with. But in those dreams, it's always Dice who's the problem. It's always Dice's fault things ended up this way, and he confesses and admits it to their faces, begs forgiveness, dies dozens upon dozens of ways. Perhaps that's why his mind refuses to let him see the truth: that he survived, and he's safe.
Maybe he thinks he ought to be dead.
But something wouldn't let him die without seeing his only friend again. He ducked, ran, hid, did everything he could to survive until he collapsed at Gentaro's doorstep. In fact, though it's been a week, Dice makes Gentaro wait on him for just a few more days before he opens his eyes. He can't see, which is terrifying, but after a few unsteady, terrified breaths he realizes it's because his eyes are covered with something soft and cool. He isn't sure where he is at first, but after those first ragged breaths, he smells a familiar scent of wood and something like plum blossoms. He smells Gentaro.]
....
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He's seated nearby, sharpening a knife. He sets it aside, though, when he notices that Dice's breathing has changed. For a few moments, he simply watches him. How cruel those responsible are, to betray someone so kind so terribly. Dice is naive, and spoiled, and has only known comfort.
It doesn't bother Gentaro as much as it used to.
He maintains the silence for a few moments. Then-- ]
Dice. You're awake, aren't you.
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But still, he had one goal and one goal only in mind when he came here. So, as soon as he summons up the courage, he reaches up to touch whatever is covering his eyes. He has to see Gentaro again. He can die after that, but he has to see Gentaro again.]
...Yeah. I'm awake.
[His voice is hoarse from lack of use.]
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It's good to see you're conscious again.
[ He is, perhaps, a bit guarded, but there's genuine relief in his voice, even if it's subtle. He pours water into a cup, then stirs it and takes it to his friend. It's tea--mint tea with honey and a bit of lemon. Gentaro holds it out for him. He tries desperately not to think of how terribly he aches to touch Dice and hold him, to card his fingers through his hair.
He locks those feelings up tight. He has no right to any of that, especially not when Dice's pain must still be fresh and sharp. ]
Drink this. It should help with your voice.
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And there's Gentaro. Gentaro, right in front of him, with tea--he can smell that, too--held in those strong, beautiful hands. Stronger and more beautiful than Dice ever thought of being.
It was only a few days before the coup that he figured out his feelings for Gentaro might go beyond mere friendship. The nights they'd spent watching the stars suddenly felt different, precious, more precious than anything Dice had ever known. But he swallows that longing down with the first gulp of tea, after he takes the cup with murmured thanks.
Something about its warmth, and this flavor that reminds him of their first meeting, makes Dice's head droop. He doesn't want Gentaro to see him wrestling with all of this. The man is his friend, and now his savior... so now Dice is certain he owes him something. But as of a week and a half ago, Dice has nothing. He is nothing, save a wanted man.
Trembling fingers hold the tea tighter, like it'll steady him.]
...How long was I asleep?
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[ A week of Gentaro on edge, watching for anyone who might be looking for Dice or himself. He's acutely aware of how much they must dislike him for spending so much time with Dice. A thief has no place in Dice's world. Then again, they had tossed him out of that world, left him for dead.
Gentaro doesn't intend to do the same. If Dice so wishes, he'll make a place for him in his world instead. It's dangerous, but Gentaro is more than capable. What's one more person to keep an eye on?
He takes a seat on the ground, because he doesn't dare presume to sit next to him. ]
You don't have to talk about it, but I've heard what happened. [ His jaw tightens for a moment, but it relaxes. He needs Dice to know this-- ] I don't intend to turn you away or turn you in now that you've somewhat recovered. You may stay as long as you would like.
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[He sighs, then breathes in the steam from the tea for a few moments. Honestly, right now he's not sure how he'll go on living, how he'll move forward from this moment in time. Leaving here would just make him a target. But... he realizes with a pang that staying here might make Gentaro a target, too.]
They haven't come after me?
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I'm not surprised. It must all be a blur. [ He pauses. ] No, they haven't. I've ensured that if they get close, they're swiftly taken care of.
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[Just so he knows if what really happened got out. And so he knows if it was all a lie. Not a very good way to check things, but... Well, he's convinced already that he never had a very good way of doing things.
He sips the tea in silence for a few moments, that stretch into almost a full minute. When he realizes he's just staring into space he blinks again, then turns a sheepish, half-sincere smile on Gentaro.]
Sorry. I ought to thank you for saving my life, right? I appreciate that you went to all this needless trouble for me. I hardly even hurt anymore.
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[ ... Ah, the things that smile does to his heart. He'd much rather see a different smile, of course. He can't blame Dice for that, though, either. There's something close to quiet concern in the way he looks at him. ]
It's no trouble. I did it not because I felt obligated, but because I wanted to. [ He glances away briefly, because he's skirting too close to something earth-shattering. ] There's no need to thank me, in other words. Your being alive is thanks enough.
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[Oh, the gallows humor.
It feels worse because Gentaro is so far away, when all Dice wants is to scream and be held close. But his mind flashes back to when things began to go south. This is just him being naive and soft-hearted, isn't it? A coward. He never thought he was a coward, but he feels like he faced his death like one. Wouldn't a better man simply have accepted it? He has to be stronger.]
I hesitate to ask another favor of you, but would you mind coming a little closer? Just... this feels like you're avoiding me. Aren't we friends?
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We are. [ He rises and takes a seat next to him. Dice's warmth radiates, and Gentaro fights the urge to pull him close or lean on him and hold him. ] I didn't want to presume anything, or make things uncomfortable for you. I'm certainly not avoiding you.
[ A pause. He hesitates. ]
I know that after a traumatic event, some people may not want another close.
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No. He shouldn't. But after all the nights he spent thinking of Gentaro's fingers in his hair, or Gentaro's hand in his... Ah. Well, maybe he deserved his wife's wrath after all. Political marriages weren't supposed to be fun. Yet he'd all but fled it when he met Gentaro.]
Truthfully, the only thing I want right now is to be by your side.
[It isn't the whole truth.]
I had to see you again before I died. I couldn't leave you... [A panicked moment.] ...I couldn't leave you not knowing what happened to me, I mean.
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First, it makes his heart and pulse race. Dice is an easy read, but Gentaro doesn't want to go spilling his feelings when he's wrestling with what's happened. Second, it makes him feel guilty, because Dice deserves better.
Gentaro is quiet for a few moments before he rests his hand over Dice's. In the end, he's a selfish creature, and he craves his touch so desperately. ]
Then, by my side you'll stay, as long as you wish.
[ He pauses. There's a bittersweetness in the way he'd wanted to see him, even after all of that. ]
... It's good you came to me. I wouldn't have turned you away for anything.
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The moment Gentaro touches him, though, the tea in Dice's hands nearly falls. He manages to keep it upright at the last second, before turning his hand to hold Gentaro's.]
And when I disappoint you, will you kill me, please?
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He stiffens, blood running cold. Gentaro can't even pretend to be calm, because he's so shocked at the request. His hand instinctively tights around Dice's. Kill him-- ]
No.
[ His voice is firm, and he locks eyes with Dice. Gentaro knows he's never looked at Dice like this. Try as he might to deny it, he's upset. ]
I refuse to humor such a foolish request. Even if you begged me, I would never raise a blade to you.
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Leaning in rather suddenly, he presses his lips to Gentaro's. It's nearly a miss, it's foolish and not thought through at all, but Dice stays there, lingering for a moment if Gentaro will let him.
When he pulls back, he looks back to the tea, tears pricking at the corners of his eyes.]
Sorry. I know I'm stupid. You're just the only person I can't imagine ever disappointing. If you hated me, I wouldn't know what to do.
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Gentaro doesn't push him away, and he's just returning the kiss when he pulls back. He's about to say something, but the tears in his eyes alarm him. Dice has always felt so much, has always put his heart and soul into everything he does. Of course he would feel absolutely miserable. Everything had been ripped away from him.
He decides he hates seeing Dice so defeated. Gentaro takes a breath, then brings his hand up to Dice's cheek. Gently, he turns his face to look at him. So often, he overthinks things.
But not today. He leans in and kisses him. This time, it's a proper kiss, soft and chaste. He tastes the mint and honey on Dice's lips, and when Gentaro finally pulls away, he looks at him seriously. ]
You have no need to apologize for anything. As for disappointing me... we've known each other for some time, have we not? If you were to disappoint me, you would have already. [ A pause, and Gentaro decides to go for it, because being with Dice makes him feel just a little more reckless. Dice needs to know that someone loves him. ] How could I hate you when I love you so deeply?
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They met shortly after Dice's arranged marriage, when he'd just come of age and been placed on the throne. His mother had been regent for so long that he thought he wasn't actually going to be crowned, and he was fine with that. He was a gentle person with a love of adventure and finding new things to see. Gentaro had been welcome excitement after his disaster of a honeymoon.
Yet he'd tried to rule fairly and make good decisions, despite the queen's negativity and her always stopping just short of stabbing him in the back. He hardly let her coerce him, always tried to forge his own path, but as soon as an heir was produced, she stopped listening to Dice entirely.
And then she tried to kill him in his own bedroom.
And he ran.
He ran past the guards who were stationed to finish the job, through the angry mob he never suspected, from an assassin she hired when she realized he was still alive... Because as long as he was alive, she couldn't be in charge.
She never loved him, not for an instant. And, he realizes now, neither did his mother, who he's sure was complicit.
But Gentaro... he loves him. And he'll stay by his side.]
Please... promise me I can stay with you.
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He loves him so much it aches. It feels so surreal, his confession. Dice deserves much better, but maybe he can stop thinking that and simply let Dice love him, too.
He can't say no to that, when Dice asks him to let him stay. Gentaro's world is much harsher than his, but that's what he's here for. To protect him, to tend to his wounds. To show him the beauty of the world, too, all of that which has been kept away from him.
It's dangerous, but Dice knows this. And he wants to stay with Gentaro. ]
I promise. [ He touches his forehead to Dice's. ] Nothing will make me turn you away.
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He nods at first, because it's all he can do without sounding like an idiot from crying so hard. But when the tears let up and he stops desperately clinging to Gentaro's tunic, he pulls back and manages a watery smile.]
I love you. [Sniff.] I figured it out a few days before... before all of this. I had to see you again. I couldn't die without telling you. I... was trying to figure out how to tell the queen, but I suppose I don't need to now.
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His heart's racing, pounding in his chest, and he's struck by the urge to kiss him once more, so he does. It's still soft, gentle. He realizes he wants more, but he refrains, because Dice is an absolute mess, and he doesn't want to push him into anything. ]
Dice... [ He draws in a breath, then teases with a soft, affectionate smile-- ] Well... now you will see me every day. I hope you won't tire of me.
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Of course, every time he imagined something foolish like running away to join Gentaro, he knew he'd have to learn to be quicker on his feet, to fight and to hold his ground. But with someone like Gentaro at his back, he told himself, he could absolutely do anything.
That smile makes Dice smile in turn, and the soft, careful way he says his name, like it's something precious. Like he is something precious.]
I won't. I could never tire of you. [And Dice isn't the type to swear something so permanent so easily.] I'll do whatever I need to do to earn my keep and stay with you.
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He lets out a quiet laugh and slides a hand to cup the back of his neck. ]
Earn your keep? As kind as the offer is, I will have none of it. I want you for you, Dice, exactly as you are. You have nothing to owe me and nothing to prove to me.
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[He wants to look away, because he's at least present enough to be slightly embarrassed right now. But he doesn't. He looks right at Gentaro. This is the man he's spending the rest of his life with, and he hopes to all that's holy that it is a long life.]
I mean, not that I have much to offer. But I will learn. I'll be a valuable member of your...
[Wait, hold on, what's the nice name to call a band of thieves, anyway?]
Your retinue.
[Nailed it. The floundering makes Dice laugh slightly, at least, which bleeds off a little more of the tension he's been holding on to.]
I will, Gentaro. I won't be weak ever again. I have you, after all.
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