[ His heart aches as he listens to Dice. Betrayal is difficult to deal with, and it's still fresh in his heart and mind. For someone like Dice, who's endlessly giving and loving and kind, betrayal cuts even deeper. Gentaro so desperately wishes he could go back, whisk him away, and bring him here before any harm could come to him.
But that's wishful thinking and impossible. So Gentaro focuses on Dice, and he holds him a bit tighter. He wants to blot out every memory of pain, but the only thing he can do is soothe him. ]
Despite my being a thief, I do not wish for excess. You are more than enough to make me happy. You are the most precious treasure I could ever have. [ His voice is firm, but far from harsh. ] The terrible thing about being betrayed by someone you thought you knew and thought loved you is that no matter how strong you are, it always takes you by surprise. Very few people expect those who are closest to them to betray them.
[ He pauses and places a hand against his cheek. ]
I do not doubt you would have been a wonderful king. You would have ruled with kindness and fairness. You did not deserve that, Dice. [ He's seized by a momentary burst of anger, but he doesn't let it show. ] You are far from no one. When you feel lost, you must simply carve out your own path and rely on those who love you to help along the way.
[ ... and to the last. ]
... I have. I don't claim to be a seer who can foresee an outcome. Anything is possible. If one of those options happen, it will be devastating. But you do not have to face it by yourself and carry the burden on your shoulders, because you will not be alone.
[Dice hangs his head for a moment, smiling ruefully.]
You know, I always knew she hated me. I just never knew why. I thought perhaps I could change her mind, at first, but... we see how that went.
[He raises his head again, trying to summon up whatever shreds of pride might be left in his heart.]
Perhaps as I grow stronger, others will grow to love me as well. It's wishful thinking, I know. But it'll serve to keep me moving forward when I feel confused and overwhelmed. At least I will always have you.
[He hopes. He hopes for that most of all.]
Is this place safe? I'd like to lay under the stars for a while. It always soothed me when we would do it before.
[ There are a few things he'd like to say about that woman. While there's no overt reaction to that, his lips form a tight line and his brows pull together slightly. But when Dice keeps talking--
Gentaro smiles, soft and affectionate. He presses a kiss to his lips, endlessly bewitched by this beautiful man. With a gentle touch, he brushes the hair out of his eyes. ]
You will always have me. Never doubt that. I believe in you, Dice. Wishful thinking or not... sometimes, it is up to us to make our wishes come true. [ He squeezes his hand, then takes a seat on the grass. He holds his hand out, already aching to feel Dice against him again. ] Join me. No one will find us here.
[Dice smiles softly, following along and taking Gentaro's hand. He moves close, but rather than lay back to watch the stars side by side flat on the ground, he rests his head on Gentaro's shoulder for a moment.]
It was our special place. I always felt like we were the only people in the world.
[Sighing, he turns his eyes to the sky.]
You made me a better person. A brighter, kinder person.
[ He wraps an arm around his waist, pressing a kiss to the top of his head. It almost feels unreal, like a dream, to hold Dice like this and to kiss him whenever he wishes. He gets to bask in the warmth he radiates, and if Gentaro falls even more, then he welcomes it.
He reaches over to take his hand, delicately holding it as he kisses the back. ]
For this moment, only we exist.
[ It's soft, murmured like a secret. And that admission--it makes his heart flip over. He would be embarrassed if it weren't Dice. ]
Mm. Until we met, it was as if the world was painted in gray and black and white. You brought color into my world, Dice. You gave me something I can never find on my own: a desire to truly live instead of merely existing, passing through life like a ghost. I cannot thank you enough for that.
[Dice falls silent for a moment at that admission. He's never been told anything so lovely, so kind.
He stares up into the sky for a moment, fighting back sudden relieved tears. One live has been changed by him. One single person's life changed because he exists. He feels like he really can keep on living now.]
These stars are ours, now, then. I'm claiming them. They can bear witness to our love and what I'm about to say.
[He reaches up, like he's trying to grab the moon to keep for himself.]
That I, Dice Arisugawa, a mere man, will love you until every last one of them burns out, through this lifetime, the next, and everything that follows.
[ Gentaro's heart feels so full, he feels as if it might burst. No one has ever said these things to him. Why would they, when he's never, ever given himself over to another person? And yet... Dice makes it so easy. As natural as breathing. ]
Dice...
[ He draws in a breath, then reaches up to mirror him. They can take the stars, the moon, everything. He is a thief, after all. But this... It's theirs, and Gentaro will never squander it. This love and happiness feels fragile, but as Dice weaves words into beautiful creations, he thinks it might be less and less brittle. ]
When someone finds their soulmate... nothing will ever keep them apart. Not truly. They are destined to find each other in every lifetime. [ He lowers his hand and touches Dice's cheek, then gently coaxes him to face him. His eyes search his before he smiles and leans in to kiss him deeply. ] This is my oath: I will find you, always and forever, and place my heart and soul into your hands.
[ He kisses him again, like he can't get enough. ]
"I love you" can never encompass the depth of my feelings for you. But I suppose it will have to do. [ Another kiss, for good measure. ] Shall we find a way to capture that feeling and make it something tangible?
[Dice's hand lowers as Gentaro reaches for him, and he fully turns over, looking at him with incredible fondness. With one hand, he strokes Gentaro's hair, propping himself up with the other arm so he can return those generous, gentle kisses. They seem a little less miraculously foreign now, instead striking Dice as right and true.]
Find me in every lifetime, even if it's difficult, even if I don't know what I have when I see it.
[He offers his own kiss. Though he's not sure what Gentaro is suggesting by making things tangible, he smiles against his lips and nods.]
[ Gentaro feels the same; kissing Dice does still feel somewhat surreal, but that's starting to ebb away. Instead, he lets him fall into him, allowing the waves of gentle love and affection crashing over him. ]
Always. And we will sweep each other off our feet.
[ The hand in his hair feels divine. Gentaro sighs into the kiss, and while he feels that spark of desire again, he holds back. Instead, he kisses him again and again, mesmerized by how Dice looks in the moonlight. He's so beautiful, so precious, and his.
Wrapped up in his own thoughts, Gentaro's breath catches just that softest bit. He didn't know being kissed like this could affect him so much, but Dice makes him feel things he never thought possible.
He reaches up to curl a hand around the back of Dice's neck, holding him as he pulls away and tries to catch his breath. ]
[How he once again wishes, at that comment, that he had all the resources and trappings of a king, if only because Gentaro deserves to be crowned with everything wonderful in this world. Thief or not, he's a gentleman in his own way, kind and more reliable than the very moon and stars they're under. He wants to sweep him off his feet in all the ways he used to be able to, all the efforts he wasted on someone who never wanted to give him a chance.
In the next lifetime, he swears he'll find Gentaro first, and he will give him the entire world on a silver platter.
If he could kiss him until the end of this life, he would. Gentaro feels so perfectly meant for him that he's not wholly convinced this isn't what he was born for. Maybe he was meant to become a rogue.
He buries his fingers in Gentaro's hair at the little hitch in Gentaro's breath, and he's barely able to stop himself from kissing him again when he pulls away to breathe. But no one ever said he couldn't do something else. He sets to kissing Gentaro's face, sweetly and softly, first his cheek, then his forehead, his closed eyelids and his temples; the tip of his nose, with a little huff of mirth. Dice only takes his hand out of Gentaro's hair long enough to guide Gentaro's hand up into his long blue locks.]
[ No one treats him like this. It's not that he's had unpleasant experiences. Rather, it had just been a way to blow off steam. But just this makes him feel alight, makes him crave more and more.
Everything Dice offers so sweetly, just like those soft kisses, he'll gladly take.
Gentaro follows his lead, sinking his hand into his hair. He opens his eyes, feeling a pretty flush spread across his cheeks as he looks up at him. Dice can ask anything, and Gentaro will happily answer. ]
Mmm. [ He kisses him again, running his fingers through his hair. ] Of course. [ And teasingly, in that affectionate way-- ] What could be on your mind, Dice?
[Dice feels dangerously seen in that moment, and he wonders if Gentaro might have some kind of mind-reading magic. Of course, he's always thought things like that were mere superstition, but Gentaro's observation skills always have been uncanny...]
When the time is right...
[He hesitates, cheeks flushing, smile going just a touch embarrassed. Steeling himself, he cards his fingers through Gentaro's hair over and over again. The man is beautiful, exquisite, perfect, everything he ever dreamed might look at him with such an expression. It makes him feel things he's never felt before, a sort of attraction he can't put a name to.
He doesn't even know how to say this.]
...Will you...
[Nope. No. Abort. He ducks his head against Gentaro's chest and curses faintly, something he hardly ever does. He just can't say it.]
[ The thing is, Dice is very easy to read. So-- he has a suspicion about what he wants to ask. It's impossible to ignore the heat that's been building between them.
It's actually kind of cute, how flustered and tongue-tied he is. Gentaro hums softly, playing with his hair before he rolls Dice onto his back and hovers above him.
Leaning down, he touches their foreheads together. ]
You are safe with me. I know it is difficult for you, but I will never judge you for anything you desire.
[The pathetic thing is it's not like he's never thought about or done it before. Obviously. But he's so hesitant to put things into words that might undo the beautiful spell on them cast by Gentaro's generous affection and Dice's cautiously offered vulnerability.
He's on his back before he knows it, eyes widening, cheeks looking a touch pink even under the dim light of the moon. Then Gentaro is close, and Dice closes his eyes, steeling himself as his voice comes out in little more than a murmur.]
I desire you. [A sigh.] So when the time is right... I want to be with you physically, as well.
[Yeah, king of romance he was not. But frankly it's not his fault. Blame everyone who tiptoed around it and made it a utility.]
You know, in stories I read, in books... it always seemed so magical, so beautiful. Yet I've never experienced it that way at all, though I did try.
[ So his suspicions were correct. Actually hearing it... that's much different. Gentaro's breath catches softly, nearly overwhelmed by what Dice tells him.
He loves him. He loves him so, so much. Gentaro wants to drown him in pleasure and love, to show Dice what he deserves. His hands find his, and he interwines their fingers.
He presses a soft kiss to his lips, and when he speaks, his voice is just a touch lower, rougher. ]
Then, let's write our own fairy tale. When the time comes, when you are ready, I will make sure you never forget what it feels like to be loved so thoroughly.
[ He squeezes his hand gently, gazing into his eyes like Dice is the only person that matters. ]
I will follow your lead, so when you decided the right time, I will gladly show you how much I desire you.
[Dice's face is burning, but he doesn't want to look away. Gentaro is generously giving him the courage to face things he never thought possible. He won't turn his nose up at that, or take it for granted. The way Gentaro looks and sounds right now is doing dangerous things to poor Dice.]
Me?
[Smooth answer. So smooth. Like he's not the guy Gentaro has pinned to the secluded little forest floor.]
[ He says it so easily, too. It makes his heart ache that Dice is struck by disbelief, because as far as Gentaro is concerned, anyone would be lucky to have him.
He's beautiful, kind, charming, thoughtful-- Gentaro could go on and on, but he doesn't. Not yet. ]
Why do you think I enjoy kissing you so much?
[ And to emphasize that, he kisses him again, this time with just the barest touch of heat. ]
[Dice makes a muffled little sound of surprise at the kiss, though he knows he shouldn't be shocked. It's less disbelief that someone could possibly find him that attractive and more disbelief at Gentaro's enthusiasm, and how utterly convinced he is.
Dice wraps his arms around Gentaro, then slides his hands into his lover's hair. He still worries that this is a dream, or that something will come between them, but that's a lingering fear built on the back of his betrayal only a handful of days ago. He'll have this fear for a while. He'll wake and cling to Gentaro in the small hours of the morning, he'll stare at him for sleepless hours every night.
But he'll also be loved by him, indescribably beautifully.
So he kisses him back as if to invite more, parting his lips and hooking a leg around one of Gentaro's.]
Is it wrong that I want your lips to grace every inch of my skin?
[ Dice allowing him in like this is magical, even in the wake of betrayal. Here they are, underneath a blanket of stars, wrapped up in each other. Gentaro can't imagine a more wonderful moment. He's already so affected by Dice and how he feels that when he parts his lips and wraps his leg around him and says that--
Gentaro groans softly and grips the back of his thigh. Tentatively, he rolls his hips against Dice, and even this feels so, so good. ]
Is that so? [ he murmurs, running his tongue along his bottom lip. It doesn't last long, though; Gentaro trails kisses along his jaw, down to his neck, kissing right over his pulse. ] I would very much like to indulge you, since you're so eager.
[ That eagerness is beautiful, and even if Gentaro could resist, he wouldn't. ]
[He doesn't expect the vocal reaction nor the rolling of hips, and it shows in the way his entire body shivers. He opens his mouth to speak, but he can't get anything out with Gentaro kissing him like that. It wasn't as though he expected the man to go through with it suddenly!
Not that he hates it. Not that he dislikes it in the least. He likes feeling like Gentaro has him pinned, like he's being commanded and kept. It feels safe with Gentaro.
Carefully, he composes himself, eyes closing so he can focus on how this feels. Then he presses his hips against Gentaro's gently, but firmly. Carefully. When he speaks, it's strained and quiet, but not afraid.]
[ Against his neck, Gentaro laughs, low and husky. ]
Mm, you figured me out. [ He brushes a line of kisses along his jaw to his ear, and he breathes hotly into it. ] I will have to reward you.
[ But he pulls back, and it takes everything in him to not rock more firmly against Dice, to match the movement of his hips. He needs to know for sure, because if there's any hesitation... Well. Either way, he cups his cheek, looking at him seriously. ]
But I want to make absolutely certain that you want this. If you think we're moving too fast, I will respect that.
[Dice is silent for a moment. He doesn't know if they're moving too fast. What's too fast? What did he expect when he let Gentaro go down this path? He would hate more than anything to deny Gentaro, or to make him feel like he's done something wrong. Dice opened this door, and he should have expected a fiery soul like Gentaro to go right through.
But something is off, no matter how badly he wants him, no matter how romantic it would be to do this out under the stars that have witnessed so much of their friendship so far.
He looks up at him, eyes wide, as if he's afraid this is the wrong answer.]
...There's no question that I want it. I want you so badly I hardly know what to do with these thoughts. At the same time, I'm more than a little afraid something will go wrong. That I'll disappoint you, or... fail, somehow.
[It's enough to make his hands faintly shake as they cast over Gentaro's neck and shoulders.]
Gentaro's weak to him. He wants to burn out every single doubt he has, because Dice has already suffered so much. He cups his face in his hands, leaning down to touch their foreheads together, to gaze at him with warmth and love and acceptance. His smile more than touches his eyes, and he kisses him deeply. ]
There is nothing you could do that would disappoint or fail me. I fell in love with you, with the good and the bad parts of you. If anything goes wrong, it will not matter, because I will stop it before it happens.
[ He loves him so much it aches. ]
I want you, too, more than I have ever wanted anything. I want to show you the love and treatment you deserve, Dice. [ He brushes his thumbs against his cheeks, under his eyes. ] But not here, as romantic as it would be. We don't have the supplies required here. There will be many more nights like this, where I make love to you underneath the moon and stars.
[ He kisses him again, then stands and holds out his hand. ]
Dice instantly tears up at the thought, at the notion of having a home, and that home being with someone so remarkable, who not only is lovely, but loving. And who loves him for what he offers, expecting nothing more.
He takes Gentaro's hand, committing every last promise to memory, engraving Gentaro's care on his heart. Then he stands, and pulls Gentaro into a silent embrace, long enough and strong enough to chase off the emotions he's trying so hard not to let take him over. Today has been so full of ups and downs, and as he's been unconscious, it simply bleeds into the days before. He doesn't feel a week and a half distant from the end of his life. It's fresh. But he's safe, and he's loved, and he's going to insist Gentaro claims him once they're alone, home, and he gets his courage back.]
I love you. I do. [A sigh, and he pulls back with a watery smile.] Take me home, and take me to bed.
[ And just like that, Gentaro holds him close, because there's nothing better than being held so warmly and securely by a lover. He'd saved Dice, it's true, but right now, Gentaro knows that Dice had done the same for him. There are no words to express how grateful he is, but he supposes actions may do the trick.
He kisses Dice, a gentle and sweet thing. A smile spreads across his lips, and he wipes his tears away with a gentle hand. ]
And I love you, Dice. [ He can't hide the delicious shiver at Dice's words. Gentaro is usually patient, but hearing those words makes him incredibly impatient. ] I'll show you what those words do to me.
[ And Gentaro leads him back, to the quiet safety of their home. He doesn't let go of Dice's hand, even for a moment, and throughout the walk home, he can't help but steal kisses and toss heated glances his way. ]
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
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But that's wishful thinking and impossible. So Gentaro focuses on Dice, and he holds him a bit tighter. He wants to blot out every memory of pain, but the only thing he can do is soothe him. ]
Despite my being a thief, I do not wish for excess. You are more than enough to make me happy. You are the most precious treasure I could ever have. [ His voice is firm, but far from harsh. ] The terrible thing about being betrayed by someone you thought you knew and thought loved you is that no matter how strong you are, it always takes you by surprise. Very few people expect those who are closest to them to betray them.
[ He pauses and places a hand against his cheek. ]
I do not doubt you would have been a wonderful king. You would have ruled with kindness and fairness. You did not deserve that, Dice. [ He's seized by a momentary burst of anger, but he doesn't let it show. ] You are far from no one. When you feel lost, you must simply carve out your own path and rely on those who love you to help along the way.
[ ... and to the last. ]
... I have. I don't claim to be a seer who can foresee an outcome. Anything is possible. If one of those options happen, it will be devastating. But you do not have to face it by yourself and carry the burden on your shoulders, because you will not be alone.
You will never be alone, Dice. I swear it.
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You know, I always knew she hated me. I just never knew why. I thought perhaps I could change her mind, at first, but... we see how that went.
[He raises his head again, trying to summon up whatever shreds of pride might be left in his heart.]
Perhaps as I grow stronger, others will grow to love me as well. It's wishful thinking, I know. But it'll serve to keep me moving forward when I feel confused and overwhelmed. At least I will always have you.
[He hopes. He hopes for that most of all.]
Is this place safe? I'd like to lay under the stars for a while. It always soothed me when we would do it before.
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Gentaro smiles, soft and affectionate. He presses a kiss to his lips, endlessly bewitched by this beautiful man. With a gentle touch, he brushes the hair out of his eyes. ]
You will always have me. Never doubt that. I believe in you, Dice. Wishful thinking or not... sometimes, it is up to us to make our wishes come true. [ He squeezes his hand, then takes a seat on the grass. He holds his hand out, already aching to feel Dice against him again. ] Join me. No one will find us here.
[ A pause. ]
I've missed laying under the stars with you.
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It was our special place. I always felt like we were the only people in the world.
[Sighing, he turns his eyes to the sky.]
You made me a better person. A brighter, kinder person.
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He reaches over to take his hand, delicately holding it as he kisses the back. ]
For this moment, only we exist.
[ It's soft, murmured like a secret. And that admission--it makes his heart flip over. He would be embarrassed if it weren't Dice. ]
Mm. Until we met, it was as if the world was painted in gray and black and white. You brought color into my world, Dice. You gave me something I can never find on my own: a desire to truly live instead of merely existing, passing through life like a ghost. I cannot thank you enough for that.
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He stares up into the sky for a moment, fighting back sudden relieved tears. One live has been changed by him. One single person's life changed because he exists. He feels like he really can keep on living now.]
These stars are ours, now, then. I'm claiming them. They can bear witness to our love and what I'm about to say.
[He reaches up, like he's trying to grab the moon to keep for himself.]
That I, Dice Arisugawa, a mere man, will love you until every last one of them burns out, through this lifetime, the next, and everything that follows.
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Dice...
[ He draws in a breath, then reaches up to mirror him. They can take the stars, the moon, everything. He is a thief, after all. But this... It's theirs, and Gentaro will never squander it. This love and happiness feels fragile, but as Dice weaves words into beautiful creations, he thinks it might be less and less brittle. ]
When someone finds their soulmate... nothing will ever keep them apart. Not truly. They are destined to find each other in every lifetime. [ He lowers his hand and touches Dice's cheek, then gently coaxes him to face him. His eyes search his before he smiles and leans in to kiss him deeply. ] This is my oath: I will find you, always and forever, and place my heart and soul into your hands.
[ He kisses him again, like he can't get enough. ]
"I love you" can never encompass the depth of my feelings for you. But I suppose it will have to do. [ Another kiss, for good measure. ] Shall we find a way to capture that feeling and make it something tangible?
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Find me in every lifetime, even if it's difficult, even if I don't know what I have when I see it.
[He offers his own kiss. Though he's not sure what Gentaro is suggesting by making things tangible, he smiles against his lips and nods.]
I'd like that.
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Always. And we will sweep each other off our feet.
[ The hand in his hair feels divine. Gentaro sighs into the kiss, and while he feels that spark of desire again, he holds back. Instead, he kisses him again and again, mesmerized by how Dice looks in the moonlight. He's so beautiful, so precious, and his.
Wrapped up in his own thoughts, Gentaro's breath catches just that softest bit. He didn't know being kissed like this could affect him so much, but Dice makes him feel things he never thought possible.
He reaches up to curl a hand around the back of Dice's neck, holding him as he pulls away and tries to catch his breath. ]
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In the next lifetime, he swears he'll find Gentaro first, and he will give him the entire world on a silver platter.
If he could kiss him until the end of this life, he would. Gentaro feels so perfectly meant for him that he's not wholly convinced this isn't what he was born for. Maybe he was meant to become a rogue.
He buries his fingers in Gentaro's hair at the little hitch in Gentaro's breath, and he's barely able to stop himself from kissing him again when he pulls away to breathe. But no one ever said he couldn't do something else. He sets to kissing Gentaro's face, sweetly and softly, first his cheek, then his forehead, his closed eyelids and his temples; the tip of his nose, with a little huff of mirth. Dice only takes his hand out of Gentaro's hair long enough to guide Gentaro's hand up into his long blue locks.]
May I ask something else of you?
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[ No one treats him like this. It's not that he's had unpleasant experiences. Rather, it had just been a way to blow off steam. But just this makes him feel alight, makes him crave more and more.
Everything Dice offers so sweetly, just like those soft kisses, he'll gladly take.
Gentaro follows his lead, sinking his hand into his hair. He opens his eyes, feeling a pretty flush spread across his cheeks as he looks up at him. Dice can ask anything, and Gentaro will happily answer. ]
Mmm. [ He kisses him again, running his fingers through his hair. ] Of course. [ And teasingly, in that affectionate way-- ] What could be on your mind, Dice?
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When the time is right...
[He hesitates, cheeks flushing, smile going just a touch embarrassed. Steeling himself, he cards his fingers through Gentaro's hair over and over again. The man is beautiful, exquisite, perfect, everything he ever dreamed might look at him with such an expression. It makes him feel things he's never felt before, a sort of attraction he can't put a name to.
He doesn't even know how to say this.]
...Will you...
[Nope. No. Abort. He ducks his head against Gentaro's chest and curses faintly, something he hardly ever does. He just can't say it.]
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It's actually kind of cute, how flustered and tongue-tied he is. Gentaro hums softly, playing with his hair before he rolls Dice onto his back and hovers above him.
Leaning down, he touches their foreheads together. ]
You are safe with me. I know it is difficult for you, but I will never judge you for anything you desire.
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He's on his back before he knows it, eyes widening, cheeks looking a touch pink even under the dim light of the moon. Then Gentaro is close, and Dice closes his eyes, steeling himself as his voice comes out in little more than a murmur.]
I desire you. [A sigh.] So when the time is right... I want to be with you physically, as well.
[Yeah, king of romance he was not. But frankly it's not his fault. Blame everyone who tiptoed around it and made it a utility.]
You know, in stories I read, in books... it always seemed so magical, so beautiful. Yet I've never experienced it that way at all, though I did try.
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He loves him. He loves him so, so much. Gentaro wants to drown him in pleasure and love, to show Dice what he deserves. His hands find his, and he interwines their fingers.
He presses a soft kiss to his lips, and when he speaks, his voice is just a touch lower, rougher. ]
Then, let's write our own fairy tale. When the time comes, when you are ready, I will make sure you never forget what it feels like to be loved so thoroughly.
[ He squeezes his hand gently, gazing into his eyes like Dice is the only person that matters. ]
I will follow your lead, so when you decided the right time, I will gladly show you how much I desire you.
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Me?
[Smooth answer. So smooth. Like he's not the guy Gentaro has pinned to the secluded little forest floor.]
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[ He says it so easily, too. It makes his heart ache that Dice is struck by disbelief, because as far as Gentaro is concerned, anyone would be lucky to have him.
He's beautiful, kind, charming, thoughtful-- Gentaro could go on and on, but he doesn't. Not yet. ]
Why do you think I enjoy kissing you so much?
[ And to emphasize that, he kisses him again, this time with just the barest touch of heat. ]
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Dice wraps his arms around Gentaro, then slides his hands into his lover's hair. He still worries that this is a dream, or that something will come between them, but that's a lingering fear built on the back of his betrayal only a handful of days ago. He'll have this fear for a while. He'll wake and cling to Gentaro in the small hours of the morning, he'll stare at him for sleepless hours every night.
But he'll also be loved by him, indescribably beautifully.
So he kisses him back as if to invite more, parting his lips and hooking a leg around one of Gentaro's.]
Is it wrong that I want your lips to grace every inch of my skin?
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Gentaro groans softly and grips the back of his thigh. Tentatively, he rolls his hips against Dice, and even this feels so, so good. ]
Is that so? [ he murmurs, running his tongue along his bottom lip. It doesn't last long, though; Gentaro trails kisses along his jaw, down to his neck, kissing right over his pulse. ] I would very much like to indulge you, since you're so eager.
[ That eagerness is beautiful, and even if Gentaro could resist, he wouldn't. ]
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Not that he hates it. Not that he dislikes it in the least. He likes feeling like Gentaro has him pinned, like he's being commanded and kept. It feels safe with Gentaro.
Carefully, he composes himself, eyes closing so he can focus on how this feels. Then he presses his hips against Gentaro's gently, but firmly. Carefully. When he speaks, it's strained and quiet, but not afraid.]
I think you're the one who's eager to ruin me.
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Mm, you figured me out. [ He brushes a line of kisses along his jaw to his ear, and he breathes hotly into it. ] I will have to reward you.
[ But he pulls back, and it takes everything in him to not rock more firmly against Dice, to match the movement of his hips. He needs to know for sure, because if there's any hesitation... Well. Either way, he cups his cheek, looking at him seriously. ]
But I want to make absolutely certain that you want this. If you think we're moving too fast, I will respect that.
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But something is off, no matter how badly he wants him, no matter how romantic it would be to do this out under the stars that have witnessed so much of their friendship so far.
He looks up at him, eyes wide, as if he's afraid this is the wrong answer.]
...There's no question that I want it. I want you so badly I hardly know what to do with these thoughts. At the same time, I'm more than a little afraid something will go wrong. That I'll disappoint you, or... fail, somehow.
[It's enough to make his hands faintly shake as they cast over Gentaro's neck and shoulders.]
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Gentaro's weak to him. He wants to burn out every single doubt he has, because Dice has already suffered so much. He cups his face in his hands, leaning down to touch their foreheads together, to gaze at him with warmth and love and acceptance. His smile more than touches his eyes, and he kisses him deeply. ]
There is nothing you could do that would disappoint or fail me. I fell in love with you, with the good and the bad parts of you. If anything goes wrong, it will not matter, because I will stop it before it happens.
[ He loves him so much it aches. ]
I want you, too, more than I have ever wanted anything. I want to show you the love and treatment you deserve, Dice. [ He brushes his thumbs against his cheeks, under his eyes. ] But not here, as romantic as it would be. We don't have the supplies required here. There will be many more nights like this, where I make love to you underneath the moon and stars.
[ He kisses him again, then stands and holds out his hand. ]
Shall we go back home?
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Dice instantly tears up at the thought, at the notion of having a home, and that home being with someone so remarkable, who not only is lovely, but loving. And who loves him for what he offers, expecting nothing more.
He takes Gentaro's hand, committing every last promise to memory, engraving Gentaro's care on his heart. Then he stands, and pulls Gentaro into a silent embrace, long enough and strong enough to chase off the emotions he's trying so hard not to let take him over. Today has been so full of ups and downs, and as he's been unconscious, it simply bleeds into the days before. He doesn't feel a week and a half distant from the end of his life. It's fresh. But he's safe, and he's loved, and he's going to insist Gentaro claims him once they're alone, home, and he gets his courage back.]
I love you. I do. [A sigh, and he pulls back with a watery smile.] Take me home, and take me to bed.
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He kisses Dice, a gentle and sweet thing. A smile spreads across his lips, and he wipes his tears away with a gentle hand. ]
And I love you, Dice. [ He can't hide the delicious shiver at Dice's words. Gentaro is usually patient, but hearing those words makes him incredibly impatient. ] I'll show you what those words do to me.
[ And Gentaro leads him back, to the quiet safety of their home. He doesn't let go of Dice's hand, even for a moment, and throughout the walk home, he can't help but steal kisses and toss heated glances his way. ]
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