[ Dice says again that he's in love with him, and it nearly breaks him completely. He's always been the one Gentaro felt he could be at ease with. Maybe it was inevitable, this thing they've both realized. Dice is so very easy to love, after all.
Finally, he looks at Dice, hesitant and wary. Suddenly, he feels off-balance; he's holding something precious and fragile in his hands, and he's terrified of breaking it. ]
You deserve better than a liar. You deserve someone who is worth your time and love, someone who will treat you with all the care in the world.
[ And Gentaro knows that's not him. He's hurt Dice terribly, and even if he regrets it, it's entirely his own fault. ]
[Dice watches him for a few moments, then gets up and crosses over to him. Was he off base with all of this? Why is Gentaro acting so hurt right now?]
Can you quit lyin' for like... I dunno how many minutes I got left on the timer, but can you quit for just a minute?
[He settles his hands on Gentaro's shoulders and squeezes firmly.]
Even if that ain't you, you sound like maybe I'm missin' something here. I'm not walkin' out of here thinkin' I'm gonna find somebody else in this world who I love like this, you know? So if you're lyin' about hating me and thinkin' I'm annoying and I oughta leave, can you maybe... I dunno, not? For just a minute?
[And then he kneels in front of him, like a knight to his sovereign.]
This hurts, you know? Maybe if I knew the truth it'd hurt less.
[ The weight of everything presses down on him. Gentaro bows his head and draws in a sharp breath when he feels Dice's hands on his shoulders. He's warm and steady, and dangerously, he considers--
He considers telling him. It's hard to not want to, when Dice is so honest with him. He lifts his head slightly to look at him, searching his face, and finding nothing but how much he loves him. ]
... Let's get rid of that timer, shall we?
[ This close, Gentaro can't help but soften his tone. He hesitates once more. ]
I don't hate you or think you're annoying. Far from it. And I certainly don't want you to leave. [ A pause. ] I'm truly sorry. Despite my own feelings, I thought that if I pushed you away, it would be better for you.
[ He hesitates once more. ]
I have been lying to you every day, since the moment we met.
Well that's not fuckin' news. That's your whole thing.
[He's just so relieved that Gentaro doesn't hate him, while simultaneously being spun all the way around by the revelation that he doesn't want him to utterly just get the hell out.]
Gentaro still looks unsure, because Dice doesn't realize the extent of his lies and how deeply it goes. Dice says he won't leave, but this is something he thinks even the most patient, adoring person would condemn.
But, fool that he is, he makes a decision. ]
... I am not the real Gentaro Yumeno. That name belongs to my brother, who currently rests in a hospital, unable to wake.
[Maybe Dice is a little surprised, but only a little. After all, Gentaro said from moment one that he was a liar. He'd be a shitty friend and a poorer potential lover if he didn't accept something as outrageous as this as the truth.]
No shit... [He frowns.] I'm sorry. Knowin' he's like that's gotta hurt you a lot.
He can't hide how utterly stunned he is. So easily-- Gentaro truly feels like a fool. He swallows hard, then places a hand over one of Dice's. His hand is warm, and Gentaro aches to touch and be touched even more. ]
... It does. [ He pauses, studying Dice's face. ] You're truly accepting this so easily?
[He's set so at ease by Gentaro's touch that he almost loses his balance where he's kneeling.]
The guy I know, whatever his name is today, yesterday, or tomorrow, is my favorite person in the whole damn world. Doesn't matter much beyond that, to me.
[ And this-- this is one of the reasons he'd fallen in love with Dice. Gentaro isn't quite sure how to handle this; so often, he's used to rejection. It had seemed like such an impossibility to find someone who loved him for him, even with all the rough edges and lies.
He closes his eyes and lets out a breath, then leans forward so he can touch their foreheads together.
Even in this cruel world, Dice barrels forward with determination and love. He doesn't do anything in half-measures. Gentaro, as exasperated as that makes him, admires Dice. He doesn't doubt that he has shackles of his own, in some way, but he moves forward despite them. It's such a contrast, but there's something that he can do without restraint.
Gentaro loves him with all of his heart. It's easy, as natural as breathing, and he thinks that maybe Dice might fit into the cracks in his heart. ]
You truly are incredible. [ He moves a hand to Dice's cheek. He's already apologized, but-- ] I'm sorry for making you so miserable, for hurting you so terribly. And if you're so intent on staying with me, I will do everything I can to make amends.
[ Because Dice deserves the world; he deserves to be happy, to love fearlessly and be loved just as deeply. So-- ]
[He lets his smile grow beyond strained, into something softer and real.
He's been waiting to hear those words, somehow, even if he thought it'd never happen. It doesn't seem right or fair for them to be like they've been, and knowing that so much of that is also a lie is a relief.
Their foreheads rest together, and Dice feels like he might collapse into a relieved heap, but he stays upright and beams.]
You mean that, right? I'm not gonna let you go if you mean it.
[ Gently, he brushes his thumb along his cheek, his expression all at once relieved and vulnerable. His other hand moves to Dice's cheek. As Gentaro cradles his face, he lets out a quiet hum. ]
Then don't let me go, [ he murmurs, heart pounding. ] I mean it, of course. When I think of the future, I want you to be by my side.
[That touch is gentle enough to break Dice, but he just closes his eyes for a moment and lets Gentaro's words sink in. This isn't some joke. They've been through some shit together, and he's sure that if they start walking together, they're not going to stop.
It seems ridiculous that he even believed for a moment that Gentaro didn't want him around. He wrote songs for him. They've slept in the same room how many times? Maybe they can laugh about it later.]
Yeah. Same. I don't want anybody else. I want you, and I want us to be a thing.
[Even Dice knows that sounds kind of stupid, so he bites at his lip for a moment as if trying to decide what to do. Then, tipping his chin, he presses his lips briefly to Gentaro's.]
[He can feel that Gentaro is relaxing, that he's happy. It's all he wants in the world. Every last ache from before, when he thought Gentaro wanted him out of his life, is gone, almost forgotten.
He just wants to remember this forever, to tattoo the feeling of acceptance and affection on his very soul.
But there is one thing he needs to address.]
When you feel like you can tell me about your brother and everything, I'm gonna be here to listen. No rush. Just... gettin' it out there.
[He won't force something out of Gentaro, especially not something painful enough that it caused the man to push away his own happiness.]
And if you wanna know my deal, I'll tell you right now, even. It's not like it changes who I am, same as all you've got goin' doesn't change who you are, you know? You're still you, even if you're wearin' somebody else's stuff for a while.
[Dice leans into that kiss just a little, eyes closed, heart full. The way his eyelids flutter open after is probably more attractive than he realizes.
As is, potentially, the way his cheeks go a little pink at the suggestion of them sharing a bed. Hell, they've done it before in a pinch, but this is different. This is like Gentaro asking him to move in or something... Not that he doesn't practically live here already........]
Aren't you workin' on somethin' right now? 'Cause if we move, you're gonna be occupied for a while...
[ It's absolutely unfair how charming and beautiful Dice is. Gentaro hums and kisses him again, this time a little deeper. ]
You overestimate my ability to focus on work after that.
[ Gentaro is only human, and spending the day with him is too tempting to ignore. They've shared the bed together, yes, but strictly in a platonic sense. Nevermind that sometimes, Gentaro had awoken snuggled up next to him, and had been grateful for the fact that he's such an early riser.
[He may have caught Gentaro snuggling once or twice, but he didn't really think much of it. This is so different. He's struck suddenly by the fact that he's going to hold Gentaro in his arms, more than just a friendly embrace. He's going to hold his hand and kiss him and do all kinds of things that just weren't important before now... things that suddenly seem sacred.
So before Gentaro can drag him off to the bed, Dice stands and throws his arms around him. He holds him tightly at first, like maybe he'll drift away if Dice isn't careful, but after a few moments with Dice's head on Gentaro's shoulder he loosens the hold. Then it's gentler, a hand running up and across Gentaro's back.]
[ The embrace catches him off-guard, but it takes only a moment for Gentaro to wrap his arms around him and hold on just as tightly. His hands curl around Dice's shirt, like he's afraid he'll slip away, too. It still feels like a dream, but Dice is so warm and steady and real that he has no doubts.
Gentaro breathes him in and presses his face against his neck. The last time they'd held each other like this had been when Gentaro decided to pull away from him. Now, though, he doesn't pull away. He can't bear the thought of it after they've confessed. And Dice's touch is gentle and comforting and traces a line of shivers long his back.
He's missed him so much. He's missed him so, so much that it aches, and Gentaro's hands tighten around his shirt. ]
[Dice could remember that the last time he held Gentaro like this was a mistake, but instead he's just elated that he feels something. It's something real, and raw, and he's maybe a little intimidated by how strong the feeling is now that he knows it's returned.
But then he realizes Gentaro is practically clinging to him, and he turns his head to press a gentle kiss to his cheek.]
Hey. I'm not going anywhere. I'm all yours.
[Whatever Gentaro is thinking is a mystery, but Dice hopes that reassurance will make him feel grounded and safe. It's funny how that's all Dice ever wanted from this, but now he's the one giving it to Gentaro instead.]
[ Gentaro relaxes his grip, and he lifts his head to look at him. He's been lying for so long, but when Dice looks at him like that and kisses his cheek and reassures him, he thinks he can be honest with someone.
Dice's love is such a precious thing, and Gentaro has never felt warmer or more at ease. He presses a soft kiss to his lips, and when he pulls away, he cups his cheek. ]
Nor am I. As long as you'll have me, I am yours as well.
[ He pauses for a moment, hand still on his cheek. Gentaro takes his hand and guides it to his chest, over his racing heart. ]
And I hope that this will be a place you call home.
[For someone who's honestly obnoxiously sincere sometimes, Dice is still easy enough to throw off when the sincerity is leveled back at him. He just watches in gentle awe as Gentaro backs away with that parting touch, then takes his hand.
His cheeks color pleasantly, and he beams.]
Been a long time since I had a home. Thinkin' it was always supposed to be with you.
[ Seeing Dice blush is something magical. Just when he thought he couldn't possibly be more endearing, he surprises Gentaro. With a hum, he kisses his cheek. ]
Then, it's settled. This is your home now, too. [ a pause. ] It's lonely without you here. When you're here, it feels more like a home. And anything you need, I will gladly provide.
[Feeling weird butterflies welling up in him is new and kind of ridiculous, but Dice isn't going to knock it. He's actually going to embrace this thrill, because it's somehow more exciting than anything else he could imagine right now.]
Can't think of anything else I need, but I'll let you know. [Grinning.] You said you wanted to go to bed, though. My bad. I got kinda... weird feeling, I guess. Y'think I'm actually nervous about tellin' you?
Is it not natural to feel nervous before revealing a secret?
[ Gentaro smiles, then takes his hand and leads him to the bedroom. Again, it's not like they haven't shared a bed. But it's different now, isn't it? It's exciting; Dice has that effect on him and the ability to bolster his courage. ]
Whatever you would like to tell me, I will listen. [ He hums softly. ] With plenty of kisses, obviously.
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Finally, he looks at Dice, hesitant and wary. Suddenly, he feels off-balance; he's holding something precious and fragile in his hands, and he's terrified of breaking it. ]
You deserve better than a liar. You deserve someone who is worth your time and love, someone who will treat you with all the care in the world.
[ And Gentaro knows that's not him. He's hurt Dice terribly, and even if he regrets it, it's entirely his own fault. ]
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[Dice watches him for a few moments, then gets up and crosses over to him. Was he off base with all of this? Why is Gentaro acting so hurt right now?]
Can you quit lyin' for like... I dunno how many minutes I got left on the timer, but can you quit for just a minute?
[He settles his hands on Gentaro's shoulders and squeezes firmly.]
Even if that ain't you, you sound like maybe I'm missin' something here. I'm not walkin' out of here thinkin' I'm gonna find somebody else in this world who I love like this, you know? So if you're lyin' about hating me and thinkin' I'm annoying and I oughta leave, can you maybe... I dunno, not? For just a minute?
[And then he kneels in front of him, like a knight to his sovereign.]
This hurts, you know? Maybe if I knew the truth it'd hurt less.
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He considers telling him. It's hard to not want to, when Dice is so honest with him. He lifts his head slightly to look at him, searching his face, and finding nothing but how much he loves him. ]
... Let's get rid of that timer, shall we?
[ This close, Gentaro can't help but soften his tone. He hesitates once more. ]
I don't hate you or think you're annoying. Far from it. And I certainly don't want you to leave. [ A pause. ] I'm truly sorry. Despite my own feelings, I thought that if I pushed you away, it would be better for you.
[ He hesitates once more. ]
I have been lying to you every day, since the moment we met.
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Well that's not fuckin' news. That's your whole thing.
[He's just so relieved that Gentaro doesn't hate him, while simultaneously being spun all the way around by the revelation that he doesn't want him to utterly just get the hell out.]
Lay it on me. Gimme the truth. I won't leave.
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Gentaro still looks unsure, because Dice doesn't realize the extent of his lies and how deeply it goes. Dice says he won't leave, but this is something he thinks even the most patient, adoring person would condemn.
But, fool that he is, he makes a decision. ]
... I am not the real Gentaro Yumeno. That name belongs to my brother, who currently rests in a hospital, unable to wake.
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No shit... [He frowns.] I'm sorry. Knowin' he's like that's gotta hurt you a lot.
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He can't hide how utterly stunned he is. So easily-- Gentaro truly feels like a fool. He swallows hard, then places a hand over one of Dice's. His hand is warm, and Gentaro aches to touch and be touched even more. ]
... It does. [ He pauses, studying Dice's face. ] You're truly accepting this so easily?
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You act like I'm not hidin' shit, too. Come on.
[He's set so at ease by Gentaro's touch that he almost loses his balance where he's kneeling.]
The guy I know, whatever his name is today, yesterday, or tomorrow, is my favorite person in the whole damn world. Doesn't matter much beyond that, to me.
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He closes his eyes and lets out a breath, then leans forward so he can touch their foreheads together.
Even in this cruel world, Dice barrels forward with determination and love. He doesn't do anything in half-measures. Gentaro, as exasperated as that makes him, admires Dice. He doesn't doubt that he has shackles of his own, in some way, but he moves forward despite them. It's such a contrast, but there's something that he can do without restraint.
Gentaro loves him with all of his heart. It's easy, as natural as breathing, and he thinks that maybe Dice might fit into the cracks in his heart. ]
You truly are incredible. [ He moves a hand to Dice's cheek. He's already apologized, but-- ] I'm sorry for making you so miserable, for hurting you so terribly. And if you're so intent on staying with me, I will do everything I can to make amends.
[ Because Dice deserves the world; he deserves to be happy, to love fearlessly and be loved just as deeply. So-- ]
I love you, Dice.
[ How wonderful it is to finally say it. ]
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He's been waiting to hear those words, somehow, even if he thought it'd never happen. It doesn't seem right or fair for them to be like they've been, and knowing that so much of that is also a lie is a relief.
Their foreheads rest together, and Dice feels like he might collapse into a relieved heap, but he stays upright and beams.]
You mean that, right? I'm not gonna let you go if you mean it.
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Then don't let me go, [ he murmurs, heart pounding. ] I mean it, of course. When I think of the future, I want you to be by my side.
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It seems ridiculous that he even believed for a moment that Gentaro didn't want him around. He wrote songs for him. They've slept in the same room how many times? Maybe they can laugh about it later.]
Yeah. Same. I don't want anybody else. I want you, and I want us to be a thing.
[Even Dice knows that sounds kind of stupid, so he bites at his lip for a moment as if trying to decide what to do. Then, tipping his chin, he presses his lips briefly to Gentaro's.]
I love you. I'm never letting you go.
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And the kiss--it sparks something inside him. He returns it easily, and for the first time in a very long time, he's indescribably happy. ]
You're in luck, then. [ He brushes the hair out of Dice's eyes, then leans forward and presses a kiss to his forehead. ] I want the same for us.
[ He smiles, then presses his lips to Dice's once more. ]
I don't want to spend a single day without seeing your smile.
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He just wants to remember this forever, to tattoo the feeling of acceptance and affection on his very soul.
But there is one thing he needs to address.]
When you feel like you can tell me about your brother and everything, I'm gonna be here to listen. No rush. Just... gettin' it out there.
[He won't force something out of Gentaro, especially not something painful enough that it caused the man to push away his own happiness.]
And if you wanna know my deal, I'll tell you right now, even. It's not like it changes who I am, same as all you've got goin' doesn't change who you are, you know? You're still you, even if you're wearin' somebody else's stuff for a while.
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He lets out a quiet, breathless little laugh before he kisses him again. ]
Thank you, Dice. [ he pauses. ] I would be glad to listen, if you're ready to tell me. First, however... let's take up a more comfortable spot.
[ And his expression shifts to mischief and teasing. ]
Would you like to move to the couch, or our bed?
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As is, potentially, the way his cheeks go a little pink at the suggestion of them sharing a bed. Hell, they've done it before in a pinch, but this is different. This is like Gentaro asking him to move in or something... Not that he doesn't practically live here already........]
Aren't you workin' on somethin' right now? 'Cause if we move, you're gonna be occupied for a while...
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You overestimate my ability to focus on work after that.
[ Gentaro is only human, and spending the day with him is too tempting to ignore. They've shared the bed together, yes, but strictly in a platonic sense. Nevermind that sometimes, Gentaro had awoken snuggled up next to him, and had been grateful for the fact that he's such an early riser.
He stands, gently tugging Dice up to his feet. ]
To the bed, then?
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So before Gentaro can drag him off to the bed, Dice stands and throws his arms around him. He holds him tightly at first, like maybe he'll drift away if Dice isn't careful, but after a few moments with Dice's head on Gentaro's shoulder he loosens the hold. Then it's gentler, a hand running up and across Gentaro's back.]
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Gentaro breathes him in and presses his face against his neck. The last time they'd held each other like this had been when Gentaro decided to pull away from him. Now, though, he doesn't pull away. He can't bear the thought of it after they've confessed. And Dice's touch is gentle and comforting and traces a line of shivers long his back.
He's missed him so much. He's missed him so, so much that it aches, and Gentaro's hands tighten around his shirt. ]
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But then he realizes Gentaro is practically clinging to him, and he turns his head to press a gentle kiss to his cheek.]
Hey. I'm not going anywhere. I'm all yours.
[Whatever Gentaro is thinking is a mystery, but Dice hopes that reassurance will make him feel grounded and safe. It's funny how that's all Dice ever wanted from this, but now he's the one giving it to Gentaro instead.]
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Dice's love is such a precious thing, and Gentaro has never felt warmer or more at ease. He presses a soft kiss to his lips, and when he pulls away, he cups his cheek. ]
Nor am I. As long as you'll have me, I am yours as well.
[ He pauses for a moment, hand still on his cheek. Gentaro takes his hand and guides it to his chest, over his racing heart. ]
And I hope that this will be a place you call home.
[ The apartment, or his heart? Both, really. ]
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His cheeks color pleasantly, and he beams.]
Been a long time since I had a home. Thinkin' it was always supposed to be with you.
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Then, it's settled. This is your home now, too. [ a pause. ] It's lonely without you here. When you're here, it feels more like a home. And anything you need, I will gladly provide.
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Can't think of anything else I need, but I'll let you know. [Grinning.] You said you wanted to go to bed, though. My bad. I got kinda... weird feeling, I guess. Y'think I'm actually nervous about tellin' you?
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[ Gentaro smiles, then takes his hand and leads him to the bedroom. Again, it's not like they haven't shared a bed. But it's different now, isn't it? It's exciting; Dice has that effect on him and the ability to bolster his courage. ]
Whatever you would like to tell me, I will listen. [ He hums softly. ] With plenty of kisses, obviously.
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