[He's set so at ease by Gentaro's touch that he almost loses his balance where he's kneeling.]
The guy I know, whatever his name is today, yesterday, or tomorrow, is my favorite person in the whole damn world. Doesn't matter much beyond that, to me.
[ And this-- this is one of the reasons he'd fallen in love with Dice. Gentaro isn't quite sure how to handle this; so often, he's used to rejection. It had seemed like such an impossibility to find someone who loved him for him, even with all the rough edges and lies.
He closes his eyes and lets out a breath, then leans forward so he can touch their foreheads together.
Even in this cruel world, Dice barrels forward with determination and love. He doesn't do anything in half-measures. Gentaro, as exasperated as that makes him, admires Dice. He doesn't doubt that he has shackles of his own, in some way, but he moves forward despite them. It's such a contrast, but there's something that he can do without restraint.
Gentaro loves him with all of his heart. It's easy, as natural as breathing, and he thinks that maybe Dice might fit into the cracks in his heart. ]
You truly are incredible. [ He moves a hand to Dice's cheek. He's already apologized, but-- ] I'm sorry for making you so miserable, for hurting you so terribly. And if you're so intent on staying with me, I will do everything I can to make amends.
[ Because Dice deserves the world; he deserves to be happy, to love fearlessly and be loved just as deeply. So-- ]
[He lets his smile grow beyond strained, into something softer and real.
He's been waiting to hear those words, somehow, even if he thought it'd never happen. It doesn't seem right or fair for them to be like they've been, and knowing that so much of that is also a lie is a relief.
Their foreheads rest together, and Dice feels like he might collapse into a relieved heap, but he stays upright and beams.]
You mean that, right? I'm not gonna let you go if you mean it.
[ Gently, he brushes his thumb along his cheek, his expression all at once relieved and vulnerable. His other hand moves to Dice's cheek. As Gentaro cradles his face, he lets out a quiet hum. ]
Then don't let me go, [ he murmurs, heart pounding. ] I mean it, of course. When I think of the future, I want you to be by my side.
[That touch is gentle enough to break Dice, but he just closes his eyes for a moment and lets Gentaro's words sink in. This isn't some joke. They've been through some shit together, and he's sure that if they start walking together, they're not going to stop.
It seems ridiculous that he even believed for a moment that Gentaro didn't want him around. He wrote songs for him. They've slept in the same room how many times? Maybe they can laugh about it later.]
Yeah. Same. I don't want anybody else. I want you, and I want us to be a thing.
[Even Dice knows that sounds kind of stupid, so he bites at his lip for a moment as if trying to decide what to do. Then, tipping his chin, he presses his lips briefly to Gentaro's.]
[He can feel that Gentaro is relaxing, that he's happy. It's all he wants in the world. Every last ache from before, when he thought Gentaro wanted him out of his life, is gone, almost forgotten.
He just wants to remember this forever, to tattoo the feeling of acceptance and affection on his very soul.
But there is one thing he needs to address.]
When you feel like you can tell me about your brother and everything, I'm gonna be here to listen. No rush. Just... gettin' it out there.
[He won't force something out of Gentaro, especially not something painful enough that it caused the man to push away his own happiness.]
And if you wanna know my deal, I'll tell you right now, even. It's not like it changes who I am, same as all you've got goin' doesn't change who you are, you know? You're still you, even if you're wearin' somebody else's stuff for a while.
[Dice leans into that kiss just a little, eyes closed, heart full. The way his eyelids flutter open after is probably more attractive than he realizes.
As is, potentially, the way his cheeks go a little pink at the suggestion of them sharing a bed. Hell, they've done it before in a pinch, but this is different. This is like Gentaro asking him to move in or something... Not that he doesn't practically live here already........]
Aren't you workin' on somethin' right now? 'Cause if we move, you're gonna be occupied for a while...
[ It's absolutely unfair how charming and beautiful Dice is. Gentaro hums and kisses him again, this time a little deeper. ]
You overestimate my ability to focus on work after that.
[ Gentaro is only human, and spending the day with him is too tempting to ignore. They've shared the bed together, yes, but strictly in a platonic sense. Nevermind that sometimes, Gentaro had awoken snuggled up next to him, and had been grateful for the fact that he's such an early riser.
[He may have caught Gentaro snuggling once or twice, but he didn't really think much of it. This is so different. He's struck suddenly by the fact that he's going to hold Gentaro in his arms, more than just a friendly embrace. He's going to hold his hand and kiss him and do all kinds of things that just weren't important before now... things that suddenly seem sacred.
So before Gentaro can drag him off to the bed, Dice stands and throws his arms around him. He holds him tightly at first, like maybe he'll drift away if Dice isn't careful, but after a few moments with Dice's head on Gentaro's shoulder he loosens the hold. Then it's gentler, a hand running up and across Gentaro's back.]
[ The embrace catches him off-guard, but it takes only a moment for Gentaro to wrap his arms around him and hold on just as tightly. His hands curl around Dice's shirt, like he's afraid he'll slip away, too. It still feels like a dream, but Dice is so warm and steady and real that he has no doubts.
Gentaro breathes him in and presses his face against his neck. The last time they'd held each other like this had been when Gentaro decided to pull away from him. Now, though, he doesn't pull away. He can't bear the thought of it after they've confessed. And Dice's touch is gentle and comforting and traces a line of shivers long his back.
He's missed him so much. He's missed him so, so much that it aches, and Gentaro's hands tighten around his shirt. ]
[Dice could remember that the last time he held Gentaro like this was a mistake, but instead he's just elated that he feels something. It's something real, and raw, and he's maybe a little intimidated by how strong the feeling is now that he knows it's returned.
But then he realizes Gentaro is practically clinging to him, and he turns his head to press a gentle kiss to his cheek.]
Hey. I'm not going anywhere. I'm all yours.
[Whatever Gentaro is thinking is a mystery, but Dice hopes that reassurance will make him feel grounded and safe. It's funny how that's all Dice ever wanted from this, but now he's the one giving it to Gentaro instead.]
[ Gentaro relaxes his grip, and he lifts his head to look at him. He's been lying for so long, but when Dice looks at him like that and kisses his cheek and reassures him, he thinks he can be honest with someone.
Dice's love is such a precious thing, and Gentaro has never felt warmer or more at ease. He presses a soft kiss to his lips, and when he pulls away, he cups his cheek. ]
Nor am I. As long as you'll have me, I am yours as well.
[ He pauses for a moment, hand still on his cheek. Gentaro takes his hand and guides it to his chest, over his racing heart. ]
And I hope that this will be a place you call home.
[For someone who's honestly obnoxiously sincere sometimes, Dice is still easy enough to throw off when the sincerity is leveled back at him. He just watches in gentle awe as Gentaro backs away with that parting touch, then takes his hand.
His cheeks color pleasantly, and he beams.]
Been a long time since I had a home. Thinkin' it was always supposed to be with you.
[ Seeing Dice blush is something magical. Just when he thought he couldn't possibly be more endearing, he surprises Gentaro. With a hum, he kisses his cheek. ]
Then, it's settled. This is your home now, too. [ a pause. ] It's lonely without you here. When you're here, it feels more like a home. And anything you need, I will gladly provide.
[Feeling weird butterflies welling up in him is new and kind of ridiculous, but Dice isn't going to knock it. He's actually going to embrace this thrill, because it's somehow more exciting than anything else he could imagine right now.]
Can't think of anything else I need, but I'll let you know. [Grinning.] You said you wanted to go to bed, though. My bad. I got kinda... weird feeling, I guess. Y'think I'm actually nervous about tellin' you?
Is it not natural to feel nervous before revealing a secret?
[ Gentaro smiles, then takes his hand and leads him to the bedroom. Again, it's not like they haven't shared a bed. But it's different now, isn't it? It's exciting; Dice has that effect on him and the ability to bolster his courage. ]
Whatever you would like to tell me, I will listen. [ He hums softly. ] With plenty of kisses, obviously.
[He follows to the bedroom, butterflies in his stomach growing into a storm. But he knows it'll be okay. He knows he's safe. No matter what he tells Gentaro, Gentaro won't leave him now, will he? So he can relax.
Dice, being Dice, pulls his shirt and belts off with very little preamble.]
Great! I think I'm gonna really enjoy kissin' you, after the number of times I had dreams about doin' it.
[He laughs, and the butterflies start to turn to tension in his core as he sits down heavily on the bed. Holding out a hand to Gentaro, he gathers up his courage.]
[ Gentaro doesn't often blush, but... Dice has dreamed about it? It makes him feel flustered and warm all at once. But he's pleased; besides, it's not like Gentaro hasn't dreamed of the same thing... and more.
For a few moments, he openly admires Dice. It gives him a chance to make a decision, too. When he's at home, he doesn't bother with the elaborate robes; he's comfortable enough around him to forgo them. Meaning, he slips off his own shirt and takes his hand. ]
Mmm. Then I'm a dream come true, am I? [ There's color in his cheeks, and he even looks pleased. ] I think it goes without saying that I would very much like to hear you tell me a story.
[ He could listen to him all day and not get bored. ]
[Maybe Dice continually trying to stick around Gentaro was because he did still act comfortable around him sometimes. The mixed signals were killer, but they were positive enough to keep Dice by Gentaro's side. He's loyal like that, after all.
They've been half-naked next to each other before after just enough drinks, so this shouldn't be anything too special. Yet it is.
He scoots back to his usual side of the bed, pulling Gentaro along with him.]
Yeah, you're pretty much one hundred percent of my dreams comin' true. [Wait. Except those dreams, that it is NOT the time to bring up.] Okay, maybe like... 85%. Still passin' with flying colors.
[ Gentaro moves easily with him, and laying down with Dice feels even more special. He gently nuzzles against Dice's cheek, and he's definitely not shy about cuddling close to him. There is a bit of hesitation, of course, before he rests his hand on his chest. ]
Oh? And the other fifteen percent? [ He's teasing him, eyes bright with mischief. ] I suppose I'll have to figure that out myself.
[ A pause, as Gentaro takes in his warmth and affection. ]
[Dice might be resisting the word "cuddle" but he is thinking it, and he's more than happy when Gentaro gets close to him. He puts a hand over the one that finally settles on his chest and takes a deep breath, letting it out slowly.]
If you don't figure out that last fifteen by tomorrow, I'm gonna be shocked and disappointed.
[Figure out, he says. Yes, he's stopping at "figure out", like a gentleman. He's a damn gentleman when he wants to be. But maybe he's just buying time...]
Yeah. A story. How d'you usually start? Like... [He clears his throat, the last of the nerves ebbing away as he soaks up Gentaro's warmth.] A long time ago, right? There was this kid. His parents were really rich, and they seemed to get along okay, mostly... But then stuff started happening that didn't make sense.
[ Figure out, indeed. He's almost completely sure that he knows already, but all the same... he's looking forward to it. But now isn't the time to think about that. Pressing a kiss to Dice's cheek, he listens when he starts to talk. As he does, Gentaro shifts his other arm so he can sink his hand into his hair.
... Huh. So Dice comes from an affluent family. That makes his transience even more puzzling, really. But tragedy can strike at any time, quiet and devastating. He also catches onto they seemed to get along okay, mostly. It's concerning, the phrasing of that, and Gentaro runs his hand through Dice's hair again and again, an attempt to soothe him. ]
It's always troubling when confusing things happen. What was it that happened?
[Dice instinctively tips his head toward the hand in his hair, sighing softly. Telling a story is somehow kind of frustrating, but he always sees stories as Gentaro's language, so in that way it feels correct. And, despite Dice's usual directness, it's safely indirect. He's distanced from it. It's weird, but it feels better anyway.
Yet he's not going to keep up this third-person review of it. He does need to own his family, even if it sucks.]
I don't really know. My parents kinda started not getting along, or something. They were always kind of... I guess it was normal to me, but they had a lot going on because of their jobs. My mom especially. Me... I tried to be a good kid. I practiced music and did okay in school. It wasn't like it was really bad, and maybe I didn't know what was up, but something was always off. My dad got arrested when I was younger and I haven't seen him in ages.
[He reaches to run a hand through his hair, forgetting Gentaro's is there, so there's a brief touch of fingers before he awkwardly drops his hand back to his chest.]
And then Mom just... got rid of me. She handed me over to my grandma and that was that. Not like it was any less rough on me, trying to be perfect and all for my mom, but... I guess I cracked. I quit high school and said "fuck it"... Started living on the streets.
[There's more. There's a giant elephant looming and he's not sure he can say this. So he goes silent for a moment.]
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You act like I'm not hidin' shit, too. Come on.
[He's set so at ease by Gentaro's touch that he almost loses his balance where he's kneeling.]
The guy I know, whatever his name is today, yesterday, or tomorrow, is my favorite person in the whole damn world. Doesn't matter much beyond that, to me.
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He closes his eyes and lets out a breath, then leans forward so he can touch their foreheads together.
Even in this cruel world, Dice barrels forward with determination and love. He doesn't do anything in half-measures. Gentaro, as exasperated as that makes him, admires Dice. He doesn't doubt that he has shackles of his own, in some way, but he moves forward despite them. It's such a contrast, but there's something that he can do without restraint.
Gentaro loves him with all of his heart. It's easy, as natural as breathing, and he thinks that maybe Dice might fit into the cracks in his heart. ]
You truly are incredible. [ He moves a hand to Dice's cheek. He's already apologized, but-- ] I'm sorry for making you so miserable, for hurting you so terribly. And if you're so intent on staying with me, I will do everything I can to make amends.
[ Because Dice deserves the world; he deserves to be happy, to love fearlessly and be loved just as deeply. So-- ]
I love you, Dice.
[ How wonderful it is to finally say it. ]
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He's been waiting to hear those words, somehow, even if he thought it'd never happen. It doesn't seem right or fair for them to be like they've been, and knowing that so much of that is also a lie is a relief.
Their foreheads rest together, and Dice feels like he might collapse into a relieved heap, but he stays upright and beams.]
You mean that, right? I'm not gonna let you go if you mean it.
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Then don't let me go, [ he murmurs, heart pounding. ] I mean it, of course. When I think of the future, I want you to be by my side.
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It seems ridiculous that he even believed for a moment that Gentaro didn't want him around. He wrote songs for him. They've slept in the same room how many times? Maybe they can laugh about it later.]
Yeah. Same. I don't want anybody else. I want you, and I want us to be a thing.
[Even Dice knows that sounds kind of stupid, so he bites at his lip for a moment as if trying to decide what to do. Then, tipping his chin, he presses his lips briefly to Gentaro's.]
I love you. I'm never letting you go.
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And the kiss--it sparks something inside him. He returns it easily, and for the first time in a very long time, he's indescribably happy. ]
You're in luck, then. [ He brushes the hair out of Dice's eyes, then leans forward and presses a kiss to his forehead. ] I want the same for us.
[ He smiles, then presses his lips to Dice's once more. ]
I don't want to spend a single day without seeing your smile.
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He just wants to remember this forever, to tattoo the feeling of acceptance and affection on his very soul.
But there is one thing he needs to address.]
When you feel like you can tell me about your brother and everything, I'm gonna be here to listen. No rush. Just... gettin' it out there.
[He won't force something out of Gentaro, especially not something painful enough that it caused the man to push away his own happiness.]
And if you wanna know my deal, I'll tell you right now, even. It's not like it changes who I am, same as all you've got goin' doesn't change who you are, you know? You're still you, even if you're wearin' somebody else's stuff for a while.
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He lets out a quiet, breathless little laugh before he kisses him again. ]
Thank you, Dice. [ he pauses. ] I would be glad to listen, if you're ready to tell me. First, however... let's take up a more comfortable spot.
[ And his expression shifts to mischief and teasing. ]
Would you like to move to the couch, or our bed?
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As is, potentially, the way his cheeks go a little pink at the suggestion of them sharing a bed. Hell, they've done it before in a pinch, but this is different. This is like Gentaro asking him to move in or something... Not that he doesn't practically live here already........]
Aren't you workin' on somethin' right now? 'Cause if we move, you're gonna be occupied for a while...
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You overestimate my ability to focus on work after that.
[ Gentaro is only human, and spending the day with him is too tempting to ignore. They've shared the bed together, yes, but strictly in a platonic sense. Nevermind that sometimes, Gentaro had awoken snuggled up next to him, and had been grateful for the fact that he's such an early riser.
He stands, gently tugging Dice up to his feet. ]
To the bed, then?
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So before Gentaro can drag him off to the bed, Dice stands and throws his arms around him. He holds him tightly at first, like maybe he'll drift away if Dice isn't careful, but after a few moments with Dice's head on Gentaro's shoulder he loosens the hold. Then it's gentler, a hand running up and across Gentaro's back.]
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Gentaro breathes him in and presses his face against his neck. The last time they'd held each other like this had been when Gentaro decided to pull away from him. Now, though, he doesn't pull away. He can't bear the thought of it after they've confessed. And Dice's touch is gentle and comforting and traces a line of shivers long his back.
He's missed him so much. He's missed him so, so much that it aches, and Gentaro's hands tighten around his shirt. ]
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But then he realizes Gentaro is practically clinging to him, and he turns his head to press a gentle kiss to his cheek.]
Hey. I'm not going anywhere. I'm all yours.
[Whatever Gentaro is thinking is a mystery, but Dice hopes that reassurance will make him feel grounded and safe. It's funny how that's all Dice ever wanted from this, but now he's the one giving it to Gentaro instead.]
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Dice's love is such a precious thing, and Gentaro has never felt warmer or more at ease. He presses a soft kiss to his lips, and when he pulls away, he cups his cheek. ]
Nor am I. As long as you'll have me, I am yours as well.
[ He pauses for a moment, hand still on his cheek. Gentaro takes his hand and guides it to his chest, over his racing heart. ]
And I hope that this will be a place you call home.
[ The apartment, or his heart? Both, really. ]
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His cheeks color pleasantly, and he beams.]
Been a long time since I had a home. Thinkin' it was always supposed to be with you.
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Then, it's settled. This is your home now, too. [ a pause. ] It's lonely without you here. When you're here, it feels more like a home. And anything you need, I will gladly provide.
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Can't think of anything else I need, but I'll let you know. [Grinning.] You said you wanted to go to bed, though. My bad. I got kinda... weird feeling, I guess. Y'think I'm actually nervous about tellin' you?
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[ Gentaro smiles, then takes his hand and leads him to the bedroom. Again, it's not like they haven't shared a bed. But it's different now, isn't it? It's exciting; Dice has that effect on him and the ability to bolster his courage. ]
Whatever you would like to tell me, I will listen. [ He hums softly. ] With plenty of kisses, obviously.
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[He follows to the bedroom, butterflies in his stomach growing into a storm. But he knows it'll be okay. He knows he's safe. No matter what he tells Gentaro, Gentaro won't leave him now, will he? So he can relax.
Dice, being Dice, pulls his shirt and belts off with very little preamble.]
Great! I think I'm gonna really enjoy kissin' you, after the number of times I had dreams about doin' it.
[He laughs, and the butterflies start to turn to tension in his core as he sits down heavily on the bed. Holding out a hand to Gentaro, he gathers up his courage.]
Maybe I'll try tellin' you a story for once.
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For a few moments, he openly admires Dice. It gives him a chance to make a decision, too. When he's at home, he doesn't bother with the elaborate robes; he's comfortable enough around him to forgo them. Meaning, he slips off his own shirt and takes his hand. ]
Mmm. Then I'm a dream come true, am I? [ There's color in his cheeks, and he even looks pleased. ] I think it goes without saying that I would very much like to hear you tell me a story.
[ He could listen to him all day and not get bored. ]
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They've been half-naked next to each other before after just enough drinks, so this shouldn't be anything too special. Yet it is.
He scoots back to his usual side of the bed, pulling Gentaro along with him.]
Yeah, you're pretty much one hundred percent of my dreams comin' true. [Wait. Except those dreams, that it is NOT the time to bring up.] Okay, maybe like... 85%. Still passin' with flying colors.
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Oh? And the other fifteen percent? [ He's teasing him, eyes bright with mischief. ] I suppose I'll have to figure that out myself.
[ A pause, as Gentaro takes in his warmth and affection. ]
After you tell me a story, naturally.
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If you don't figure out that last fifteen by tomorrow, I'm gonna be shocked and disappointed.
[Figure out, he says. Yes, he's stopping at "figure out", like a gentleman. He's a damn gentleman when he wants to be. But maybe he's just buying time...]
Yeah. A story. How d'you usually start? Like... [He clears his throat, the last of the nerves ebbing away as he soaks up Gentaro's warmth.] A long time ago, right? There was this kid. His parents were really rich, and they seemed to get along okay, mostly... But then stuff started happening that didn't make sense.
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... Huh. So Dice comes from an affluent family. That makes his transience even more puzzling, really. But tragedy can strike at any time, quiet and devastating. He also catches onto they seemed to get along okay, mostly. It's concerning, the phrasing of that, and Gentaro runs his hand through Dice's hair again and again, an attempt to soothe him. ]
It's always troubling when confusing things happen. What was it that happened?
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Yet he's not going to keep up this third-person review of it. He does need to own his family, even if it sucks.]
I don't really know. My parents kinda started not getting along, or something. They were always kind of... I guess it was normal to me, but they had a lot going on because of their jobs. My mom especially. Me... I tried to be a good kid. I practiced music and did okay in school. It wasn't like it was really bad, and maybe I didn't know what was up, but something was always off. My dad got arrested when I was younger and I haven't seen him in ages.
[He reaches to run a hand through his hair, forgetting Gentaro's is there, so there's a brief touch of fingers before he awkwardly drops his hand back to his chest.]
And then Mom just... got rid of me. She handed me over to my grandma and that was that. Not like it was any less rough on me, trying to be perfect and all for my mom, but... I guess I cracked. I quit high school and said "fuck it"... Started living on the streets.
[There's more. There's a giant elephant looming and he's not sure he can say this. So he goes silent for a moment.]
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