[ Once she relents, he pulls his hand back. She could always try again, but she should know by now that he'd be able to stop her again if needed. So when she agrees to sit, he nods, motioning to one of the benches.
Once she sits down, he follows suit, crossing his legs as he leans back slightly. He doesn't say anything right away, instead taking the time to watch her and occasionally glancing at her bag. ]
So. [ Once he breaks the silence, pushing his hair back. ] Why don't we start from the beginning, then?
[ Each time he looks at the bag, she gets even more keyed up. She knows she doesn't stand a chance against him now that the element of surprise is completely shot. She's not... actually disappointed. Upset, yes, if just because-- well. Of course they had to give out that motive.
What she feels most of all is shame. She doesn't know if she wants to unpack that.
So-- the bag. Mira watches him, too. And then she drops it on the floor and kicks it far enough away that neither of them can reach it. It buys her a little time to not have to answer his question, but... She glances away from him as she fidgets with the hem of her shirt. ]
... The beginning of what, exactly?
[ As she asks, she stares at nothing in particular--definitely not at him. She feels afloat at sea, just barely treading water and not entirely sure where to start, because she's never been good at talking about herself or her past. Especially her past. ]
[ He can tell she's stalling. He can feel it from a mile away. Zelos knows that she probably feels cornered now, and that actually makes her more dangerous, to some degree. He's pretty confident that he'd be able to stop her, but he might surprise her yet. But he's not looking to act out on any sort of motive, so he'd rather not do anything rash. ]
Come now, hunny. [ He grins, his voice as even as ever, like nothing's wrong. ] I'd consider it only reasonable to hear why someone like yourself seemingly has it out for someone like me.
[ It's the grin that really gets to her. Mira knows she's too open with her feelings sometimes; she's a terrible liar. She wishes she could be better, sometimes, especially when she's showing too much.
Like now, when her face falls entirely. She buries her face in her hands. ]
It's not-- [ Her voice is muffled, but she doesn't want to show him that she's crying. Stupid. He can surely hear it in her voice, the way it shakes, and see it in the way her shoulders tremble. ] I don't know why it was you.
[ She sort of... curls into herself. It's tempting to keep hiding her face, but she wants to look at him when she says it. Even if she's crying. ]
[ To his credit, Zelos' demeanor shifts the instant it seems like she's crying. His grin is replaced with a more worried look. ]
Whoa, whoa. Hey.
[ He uncrosses his legs and shifts closer to her, a hand awkwardly going to her back and rubbing small circles in attempts to console her. Goddess, he was awful at this. ]
You didn't do anything wrong. You have nothing to apologize for.
[ Awkward as the touch might be, it helps... and also makes her feel a little worse. She's really not cut out for this--for a half-baked plan that had fallen apart the moment he'd caught on. Maybe he'd known from the moment she'd asked him to meet her.
She shouldn't have even tried. She hasn't even done anything, and she has so many regrets. ]
I was going to. [ She wipes at her eyes, unable to look at him. ] That motive, it-- I haven't stopped thinking about it.
[ Which explains why she's barely been around this week, aside from a couple of times... ]
[ It was pretty obvious that it had affected her more than the others, that much was clear. He'd tried to gently ask about it at some point in the week, to try to be at least a little supportive in his own, stupid way, but she stayed withdrawn. He couldn't blame her, honestly. Not like he'd be able to talk about it if he ever got to that point. ]
I take it that it's something you really don't want to happen if you don't go through with it, then?
[ And just like that, it's like all the air left the room. Zelos knew it had to be pretty serious for someone like Mira to consider killing, but this...
Well. If Mira gets anything out of this, she'll see him genuinely unnerved by what she's said, if she looks quick enough. Probably more so than what would be considered a normal reaction. ]
Seriously?
[ It's only sort of rhetorical. He knows she's not. Not that he's told her about anything that the role of the Chosen is supposed to do, that Colette is meant to do, but... part of him can't help but wonder if this is all just some big prank. That somehow she found out, and is trying to get him to do... something. But what? What's the point of this? What's the point of any of this? ]
So by killing me, you'd be able to save yourself from the fate your gods have lined up for you.
[ If this was any more ironic, that pit in his stomach would be made of metal. ]
[ She doesn't miss it. It's sort of alarming, actually, how he reacts. It's not that she thinks him incapable of it, it's just-- there's something deeper there. She'd figured as much, and of course it had to be now when she cracks those walls of his.
Instead of feeling satisfied about that, though, she looks about as miserable as she feels. ]
Yes. I don't see any way out of it. [ She swallows hard. ] This was my only chance, really, to change things. But I can't-- It's not worth it, if it means taking your life.
[ Why had she chosen him, anyway? She has no idea. She can't explain it away in any way beyond the fact that she knew he'd come. Maybe she's showing her hand more than she would otherwise, but... when he's looking at her like that, she feels even more vulnerable, more willing to admit things she usually has trouble putting words to. ]
[ His outward shock dissipates, his face going unreadable as she says the things out loud he's only thought to himself. That there isn't another way out of this. That this was the only way she could change things. That he had to die for it.
He sits there, quietly staring at her for a little while, trying to decide what the next course of action should be. He should probably get up and just leave, right? It was clear she'd given up the will to go through with it on her own. But even so, knowing what faces her back home... and what little faces him...
Without a word, Zelos gets up, shifting the sheath with the blade that he'd gotten from the vending machine. He draws it slightly, the black blade flashing as it comes into view, as he seemingly mulls something over. After what feels like eons, he twists and walks away towards a random tree that's nearby. His heel digs into the dirt as he draws the sword all the way, wordlessly swinging it in to the trunk a few times. It's a little too precise, too deliberate for him to just be taking his aggression out on the poor thing. ]
[ Her heartbeat is too loud; she can hear it in her ears. She has no intention of taking his life. He could leave now and she wouldn't do anything. And, in fact, that's what she thinks he's going to do when he stands. It's fine, really; the thought of what she'd told him is terrifying, but she's just going to have to live with it. Maybe she can go to another world, somehow, if they make it through this.
She's thinking about what she should, what she can, do when he draws the sword. Mira stiffens, but he's just standing there, and she wishes she knew what he was thinking. Would that matter, though?
That deer-in-headlights look doesn't fade until he turns away and walks over to the tree. Mira watches, stunned, as it clicks, and she gets to her feet to run over and grab the arm that isn't hacking at the tree. ]
What are you doing?!
[ She knows what he's doing, but she doesn't know why. ]
[ The blade digs into the trunk with relative ease with each passing swing. It just goes to show how well made it is, at least until he overestimates his swing and gets it caught a little bit. It's probably for the best, as Mira comes over and grabs his arm.
He tenses at contact, but doesn't stop his movements until he frees the sword from the tree. When he does, though, he goes still again. ]
Do you trust me?
[ He turns and looks down at her. Admittedly, he's not... sure what his reaction will be, regardless of her answer. He guesses it doesn't really matter, either way, does it? ]
[ Without hesitation. Without looking away from him. She hadn't realized just how much until now, which almost makes her laugh with how absurd that is. Of course when she'd realize that...
But she guesses that's just how things are, sometimes. He really could leave now; she has no intention of going through with her half-formed plan anyway. Instead... ]
Whatever you're thinking, you-- You don't have to.
[ He tenses for just a brief moment, as if her reply froze him in place for a moment. He's not sure why he didn't expect the affirmative from her, of all people, but it... still catches him off guard.
Which only makes him even more sure of this. Her saying no would've yielded the same result, admittedly, but he feels better about it. ]
I think I do, actually.
[ He mumbles it quietly to himself. He looks at Mira, and he sees his sister, he sees Colette... and it brings up years of bad memories and all the things he's done and the lies he's told, and... he's sure that this is what he has to do.
He was basically on the same path before he woke up here, right? The places and names change, but in the end, he's still the same. ]
Then we're getting you out of here. [ He doesn't even acknowledge her second sentence, continuing on. ] They'd never suspect that you'd be able to take me in a fight, so we need to make it look the part.
[ He swings the sword into some nearby shrubs for good measure. ]
[ She stares up at him still. Her voice is barely louder than a whisper, but still loud enough for him to hear, this close. Her hands shake, too, but she doesn't try to hide it. It's not that she hasn't taken someone's life before. It's just--
...
She's not about to unpack that, to sift through her feelings and what they mean. It'd be a waste of time. Besides, what's the point? There is none, she realizes, and there's something about that thought that makes her feel hollow. ]
You know there's no way I can get away with this, right? The trial-- I can't... [ They'll always figure it out. They're smart. And Mira's never been good at deception. ] I can't tell you what to do, and I don't want to. But-- You have to know you'd just be throwing your life away for no good reason.
[ There's no fight in her voice, just resignation. ]
[ His tone is light, despite what he's saying. It's not that he isn't taking it seriously, it's just... he's thought about it for so long that it barely registers as fucked up as it probably is. ]
What matters is what you want to do, Mira. You can still walk away from this.
[ He can chalk the damage up to him taking some much needed aggression out on some nonliving things, the group can chastise him as they normally do, and things can move on. If she's not okay with this, he's not going to push it any further than he already has.
As okay with dying as he is, he'd like her to at least believe she's going to make it out alive. ]
[ For a few moments, she doesn't reply. That she's even so conflicted feels terribly wrong. There are a thousand thoughts racing through her mind, but one resurfaces again and again--
Even if she walks away now, the fate that awaits her is always going to hang over her. If she walks away now, it'll only delay the inevitable. And maybe she'd rather take things into her own hands. ]
... You're really okay with this?
[ She's going to lose no matter what she does. Why not give more of a chance to survive and escape to those who have something better waiting for them? ]
[ He can see her thinking a million miles an hour, turning over whether this is actually the right thing to do. The longer they wait, the worse it'll probably be in the end for her. ]
This all ends the same way for me, anyway. May as well be useful for a change. [ While making good on his own selfish and suicidal tendencies, but she doesn't really need to know that. ]
Mira isn't happy about this. Far from it. She isn't delusional enough to think that she can get away with this, either. She's hardly the smartest person here. Even worse, she's pretty damn scared. But--
She knows she'll lose no matter what she does. Mira looks up at him, and she's more resigned than anything. ]
... Okay.
[ Her voice is heavy. She turns away from him and goes to retrieve the knife, and when she returns to his side-- ]
What would be-- um. Easiest, for you?
[ She's not new to taking lives, but... she's never done anything like this. And the least she can do is try to make it not agonizing. ]
[ He seems to relax a bit when she agrees to it, and he nods slightly. This... wasn't how he expected things to go in the slightest, but... he's pretty confident that this is how it needs to be. ]
Whatever's good for you. I'm flexible. [ His candor returns, albeit a little more reserved. He eyes the knife in her hand, and looks back up at her. ] You are the featured performer, after all.
[ Because this is all just for show, right? Their lives don't matter, it's all just entertainment for the Professor, and her gods, and Cruxis, and whoever else is in the audience of this – ]
[ The featured performer... well, he's not wrong about that. It doesn't make her feel any better. All it does is remind her that she's always at the mercy of another, always a puppet on someone's strings--
Her hand shakes. ]
... It's not like I haven't done this before.
[ Done what? Kill someone? Yeah. That's part of it. The other part-- well. Zelos wouldn't be the first person she cared about that ended up with their blood on her hands. The only difference is...
[ He nods, a dark chuckle lingering somewhere in the back of his throat. ] I appreciate it.
[ Zelos sees her hand shake, and he reaches out, bridging the gap so they're fairly close together. His gloved hand goes on hers, trying to steady it. ]
Hey. [ His voice is quiet, and as reassuring as he can be. ] It's gonna be okay. You'll be fine, I promise.
[ His other hand goes up to her cheek, grazing it gently with his thumb as he gives her one of his signature wry smiles. The least he can do at this point is be what he thinks she wants him to be, right? Maybe it'll go easier this way. ]
[ She knows what he's doing. Mira looks up at him, and she doesn't look reassured at all. Zelos is far from an open book... but right now, she thinks she can read him pretty well.
What she does, though, is put her other hand on his and give it a squeeze. As she looks up at him, her expression is tired. There's something else behind it, though, just barely indecipherable.
Gratitude, if he's particularly perceptive. After all... he's doing this, and even if it's mostly out of selfishness, he's still doing something for her. ]
I'm not sure that's anything you can promise. [ It's because of her that they're doing this, after all. Her heart aches, and she decides to just...
rest her forehead, right against his shoulder. ] ... But whatever will be, will be. You're not wrong about that.
[ All he can give her is that same stupid smile he has in reply. He gets that tired look all to well, but it's hard to tell what else is there. ]
Ah, well. You can't fault me for trying, I guess.
[ Her forehead rests against his shoulder, and he tenses for a split moment. It's gone as soon as it comes, though, and his hand goes to the back of her head, loosely running his fingers through her hair. ]
Take all the time you need, Mira. I'm in no rush.
[ He's been waiting this long, what's a little bit longer matter? ]
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Once she sits down, he follows suit, crossing his legs as he leans back slightly. He doesn't say anything right away, instead taking the time to watch her and occasionally glancing at her bag. ]
So. [ Once he breaks the silence, pushing his hair back. ] Why don't we start from the beginning, then?
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What she feels most of all is shame. She doesn't know if she wants to unpack that.
So-- the bag. Mira watches him, too. And then she drops it on the floor and kicks it far enough away that neither of them can reach it. It buys her a little time to not have to answer his question, but... She glances away from him as she fidgets with the hem of her shirt. ]
... The beginning of what, exactly?
[ As she asks, she stares at nothing in particular--definitely not at him. She feels afloat at sea, just barely treading water and not entirely sure where to start, because she's never been good at talking about herself or her past. Especially her past. ]
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Come now, hunny. [ He grins, his voice as even as ever, like nothing's wrong. ] I'd consider it only reasonable to hear why someone like yourself seemingly has it out for someone like me.
[ It wouldn't be the first time. ]
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Like now, when her face falls entirely. She buries her face in her hands. ]
It's not-- [ Her voice is muffled, but she doesn't want to show him that she's crying. Stupid. He can surely hear it in her voice, the way it shakes, and see it in the way her shoulders tremble. ] I don't know why it was you.
[ She sort of... curls into herself. It's tempting to keep hiding her face, but she wants to look at him when she says it. Even if she's crying. ]
I'm... I'm sorry. I'm so sorry.
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Whoa, whoa. Hey.
[ He uncrosses his legs and shifts closer to her, a hand awkwardly going to her back and rubbing small circles in attempts to console her. Goddess, he was awful at this. ]
You didn't do anything wrong. You have nothing to apologize for.
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She shouldn't have even tried. She hasn't even done anything, and she has so many regrets. ]
I was going to. [ She wipes at her eyes, unable to look at him. ] That motive, it-- I haven't stopped thinking about it.
[ Which explains why she's barely been around this week, aside from a couple of times... ]
melts in through the nearest wall
[ It was pretty obvious that it had affected her more than the others, that much was clear. He'd tried to gently ask about it at some point in the week, to try to be at least a little supportive in his own, stupid way, but she stayed withdrawn. He couldn't blame her, honestly. Not like he'd be able to talk about it if he ever got to that point. ]
I take it that it's something you really don't want to happen if you don't go through with it, then?
i grip your shoulders
It's a long story. Back in my world, I'm involved in something that, if the gods have their way-- it'll end with me as a vessel for a goddess.
[ She finally looks at him. ]
I wouldn't-- I won't be myself anymore.
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Well. If Mira gets anything out of this, she'll see him genuinely unnerved by what she's said, if she looks quick enough. Probably more so than what would be considered a normal reaction. ]
Seriously?
[ It's only sort of rhetorical. He knows she's not. Not that he's told her about anything that the role of the Chosen is supposed to do, that Colette is meant to do, but... part of him can't help but wonder if this is all just some big prank. That somehow she found out, and is trying to get him to do... something. But what? What's the point of this? What's the point of any of this? ]
So by killing me, you'd be able to save yourself from the fate your gods have lined up for you.
[ If this was any more ironic, that pit in his stomach would be made of metal. ]
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Instead of feeling satisfied about that, though, she looks about as miserable as she feels. ]
Yes. I don't see any way out of it. [ She swallows hard. ] This was my only chance, really, to change things. But I can't-- It's not worth it, if it means taking your life.
[ Why had she chosen him, anyway? She has no idea. She can't explain it away in any way beyond the fact that she knew he'd come. Maybe she's showing her hand more than she would otherwise, but... when he's looking at her like that, she feels even more vulnerable, more willing to admit things she usually has trouble putting words to. ]
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He sits there, quietly staring at her for a little while, trying to decide what the next course of action should be. He should probably get up and just leave, right? It was clear she'd given up the will to go through with it on her own. But even so, knowing what faces her back home... and what little faces him...
Without a word, Zelos gets up, shifting the sheath with the blade that he'd gotten from the vending machine. He draws it slightly, the black blade flashing as it comes into view, as he seemingly mulls something over. After what feels like eons, he twists and walks away towards a random tree that's nearby. His heel digs into the dirt as he draws the sword all the way, wordlessly swinging it in to the trunk a few times. It's a little too precise, too deliberate for him to just be taking his aggression out on the poor thing. ]
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She's thinking about what she should, what she can, do when he draws the sword. Mira stiffens, but he's just standing there, and she wishes she knew what he was thinking. Would that matter, though?
That deer-in-headlights look doesn't fade until he turns away and walks over to the tree. Mira watches, stunned, as it clicks, and she gets to her feet to run over and grab the arm that isn't hacking at the tree. ]
What are you doing?!
[ She knows what he's doing, but she doesn't know why. ]
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He tenses at contact, but doesn't stop his movements until he frees the sword from the tree. When he does, though, he goes still again. ]
Do you trust me?
[ He turns and looks down at her. Admittedly, he's not... sure what his reaction will be, regardless of her answer. He guesses it doesn't really matter, either way, does it? ]
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[ Without hesitation. Without looking away from him. She hadn't realized just how much until now, which almost makes her laugh with how absurd that is. Of course when she'd realize that...
But she guesses that's just how things are, sometimes. He really could leave now; she has no intention of going through with her half-formed plan anyway. Instead... ]
Whatever you're thinking, you-- You don't have to.
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Which only makes him even more sure of this. Her saying no would've yielded the same result, admittedly, but he feels better about it. ]
I think I do, actually.
[ He mumbles it quietly to himself. He looks at Mira, and he sees his sister, he sees Colette... and it brings up years of bad memories and all the things he's done and the lies he's told, and... he's sure that this is what he has to do.
He was basically on the same path before he woke up here, right? The places and names change, but in the end, he's still the same. ]
Then we're getting you out of here. [ He doesn't even acknowledge her second sentence, continuing on. ] They'd never suspect that you'd be able to take me in a fight, so we need to make it look the part.
[ He swings the sword into some nearby shrubs for good measure. ]
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[ She stares up at him still. Her voice is barely louder than a whisper, but still loud enough for him to hear, this close. Her hands shake, too, but she doesn't try to hide it. It's not that she hasn't taken someone's life before. It's just--
...
She's not about to unpack that, to sift through her feelings and what they mean. It'd be a waste of time. Besides, what's the point? There is none, she realizes, and there's something about that thought that makes her feel hollow. ]
You know there's no way I can get away with this, right? The trial-- I can't... [ They'll always figure it out. They're smart. And Mira's never been good at deception. ] I can't tell you what to do, and I don't want to. But-- You have to know you'd just be throwing your life away for no good reason.
[ There's no fight in her voice, just resignation. ]
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[ His tone is light, despite what he's saying. It's not that he isn't taking it seriously, it's just... he's thought about it for so long that it barely registers as fucked up as it probably is. ]
What matters is what you want to do, Mira. You can still walk away from this.
[ He can chalk the damage up to him taking some much needed aggression out on some nonliving things, the group can chastise him as they normally do, and things can move on. If she's not okay with this, he's not going to push it any further than he already has.
As okay with dying as he is, he'd like her to at least believe she's going to make it out alive. ]
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Even if she walks away now, the fate that awaits her is always going to hang over her. If she walks away now, it'll only delay the inevitable. And maybe she'd rather take things into her own hands. ]
... You're really okay with this?
[ She's going to lose no matter what she does. Why not give more of a chance to survive and escape to those who have something better waiting for them? ]
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[ He can see her thinking a million miles an hour, turning over whether this is actually the right thing to do. The longer they wait, the worse it'll probably be in the end for her. ]
This all ends the same way for me, anyway. May as well be useful for a change. [ While making good on his own selfish and suicidal tendencies, but she doesn't really need to know that. ]
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Mira isn't happy about this. Far from it. She isn't delusional enough to think that she can get away with this, either. She's hardly the smartest person here. Even worse, she's pretty damn scared. But--
She knows she'll lose no matter what she does. Mira looks up at him, and she's more resigned than anything. ]
... Okay.
[ Her voice is heavy. She turns away from him and goes to retrieve the knife, and when she returns to his side-- ]
What would be-- um. Easiest, for you?
[ She's not new to taking lives, but... she's never done anything like this. And the least she can do is try to make it not agonizing. ]
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Whatever's good for you. I'm flexible. [ His candor returns, albeit a little more reserved. He eyes the knife in her hand, and looks back up at her. ] You are the featured performer, after all.
[ Because this is all just for show, right? Their lives don't matter, it's all just entertainment for the Professor, and her gods, and Cruxis, and whoever else is in the audience of this – ]
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Her hand shakes. ]
... It's not like I haven't done this before.
[ Done what? Kill someone? Yeah. That's part of it. The other part-- well. Zelos wouldn't be the first person she cared about that ended up with their blood on her hands. The only difference is...
...
She tries not to think too hard about it. ]
I'll-- I'll try to make it as quick as I can.
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[ Zelos sees her hand shake, and he reaches out, bridging the gap so they're fairly close together. His gloved hand goes on hers, trying to steady it. ]
Hey. [ His voice is quiet, and as reassuring as he can be. ] It's gonna be okay. You'll be fine, I promise.
[ His other hand goes up to her cheek, grazing it gently with his thumb as he gives her one of his signature wry smiles. The least he can do at this point is be what he thinks she wants him to be, right? Maybe it'll go easier this way. ]
Whatever will be, will be, right?
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What she does, though, is put her other hand on his and give it a squeeze. As she looks up at him, her expression is tired. There's something else behind it, though, just barely indecipherable.
Gratitude, if he's particularly perceptive. After all... he's doing this, and even if it's mostly out of selfishness, he's still doing something for her. ]
I'm not sure that's anything you can promise. [ It's because of her that they're doing this, after all. Her heart aches, and she decides to just...
rest her forehead, right against his shoulder. ] ... But whatever will be, will be. You're not wrong about that.
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Ah, well. You can't fault me for trying, I guess.
[ Her forehead rests against his shoulder, and he tenses for a split moment. It's gone as soon as it comes, though, and his hand goes to the back of her head, loosely running his fingers through her hair. ]
Take all the time you need, Mira. I'm in no rush.
[ He's been waiting this long, what's a little bit longer matter? ]
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no one will be seated during the part where zelos wilder bleeds out for nearly two months
f
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plays my heart will go on at full blast
im crying
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i continue to change my journal
i collect all the miras into my big, strong pomeranian arms
i swoon
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scuttles in like a horrible creechur
ME TOO
time to stab zelos again with the feels knife
links that one gif again
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